Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in Kristie's LiveJournal:

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Wednesday, July 1st, 2009
11:48 pm	New Year's Resolutions Update Since it's July 1st and the year is officially half over, I decided to check in with you all regarding how I'm progressing on my New Year's Resolutions! I haven't made as much progress as I'd hoped! 2009 RESOLUTIONS I've kept/achieved: 3. To choreograph for at least one show- I did my part by making up a routine and trying out- out of my control that the president of the group doesn't like me for some unknown reason. 9. Do something "really fun" every month. January- Lil Wayne concert. February- New Orleans for Mardi gras and Palm Springs for a Pacific Northwest ballet performance and event. March- Lady Gaga concert and girls trip to Portland. April- Britney Spears Concert, last Repertory Dance Group performance and two fun after parties that I put together (a dinner at a special gazebo table I've wanted to eat at for over 4 years and a bar crawl). May- 25TH Birthday Party at Last Supper Club. June-Giants game/trip to San Francisco for a friend's 21 Run July-SUMMERJAM Concert- featuring Akon, Pitbul, Soulja Boy, Ludacris, The News Boyz, Sean Paul, and a few others. 12. Go to sports games in some new arenas for teams I haven't seen A). Saw the New Orleans Hornets in their home stadium. B). Went to AT&T Park and saw a Giants vs. A's game. 15. Take the LSAT in June. In Progress: 1. To find a decent/good/great job in the legal field- I did my part by looking and applying (and have went to one interview)? Not my fault that the economy is in the toilet. 5. Go to dance class regularly 20. Paint my bedroom- bought the pant and got permission from the parents to paint 4th of July weekend, my boyfriend is supposed to help me. No progress so far: 2. Get "bikini ready" 4. To take a class from the experimental college 6. Get a passport 7. Get a more ergonomic desk chair 8. See what a chiropractor can do for my back and neck. 10. Find a great internship 11. Have new bikini and head shots taken 13. Attend a party at the playboy mansion 14. Get a new computer (or fix mine) 16. Write something. and let people read it. 17. Revamp the website. FINALLY 18. Ring girl a live fight 19. Get a polaroid camera and possibly: 22. Take Chloe to Disneyland...she's five now, and gets kind of intimidated by stuff like that, but really wants to go. So I'm waiting until I feel like it would be the most fun/magical experience for her, and until her parents feel comfortable letting her go. So that might be next year, the year after, or the year after that. We'll see. My mom and friend Courtney would probably also join us, I would really like to go for Mickey's Haunted Party in October or whatever it's called. (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Saturday, June 20th, 2009
12:55 pm	The LSAT is finally over, and so far I've taken my trip to San Francisco, went to a crafts fair with my mom, attended Chloe's dance recital and kindergarten "Movin' On" ceremony (the teacher was EMPHATIC about not calling it a graduation), and gotten a new boyfriend. So far, so good. San Francisco's weather was not the best but we had a lot of fun. It bugs me everytime I visit the Bay Area how windy it is, and this trip did not disappoint in that regard. But we did a lot of fun stuff, regardless. The original purpose of the trip was going to celebrate my friend Bailey's 21st birthday (She's one of my great-grandlittles in my sorority) and we had a fun time doing that in North Beach- we went to The Steps of Rome, Vesuvio, The Bamboo Hut, and Dragon Bar. After this birthday I have only one more 21 run I'll probably attend, and then they'll be over for good. Probably a good thing because they wear me out now! We also did a lot of sightseeing/shopping at Fisherman's Wharf/Pier 39 (I saw some really cute sea lions and got Chloe some sea lion souvenirs, as well as a few charms for my charm bracelets). The highlight of San Fran for me is always going to the charm store- they have one that has thousands of tiny awesome charms. I get a charm everytime I travel somewhere, but wasn't able to find any charms on my recent trips to Portland and Palm Springs. Ironically the San Fran charm store had a Palm Springs charm I was able to get, as well as a Hollywood charm I got because we went to Hollywood and LA while we were in California. Still no Portland charm though. This is totally a sidenote, but while I was shopping for a birthday gift for my friend Erin I happened to discover that Brighton has a new line of charms and bracelets that are adorable- sterling silver and enamel. They kind of remind me of the charms that Tiffany has in that respect, but they are a lot more affordable ($12ish a piece) and they have a really cute set for all the states. I got Erin a kitty and an Oregon charm (because she went to Portland with me) and I got a Hawaii Charm for myself that you can see here. Super cute! They have ballerina and cheerleading charms I want to get, and I'd also like to get some state charms to represent the states I've visited so far- Alaska, Oregon, California, Montana, Nevada, Louisiana, Florida, Wyoming, and obviously Washington. I've also been to Idaho, Texas, Georgia and Tennessee, but only driving through or for layovers. Idaho has a charm I really want but I can't decide whether I can get it- usually for the purposes of charm collecting I only consider myself having "been to" a state if I've spent the night in it or done something notable there. Georgia's charm is a really cute too (its an enamel peach). But back to San Francisco- we got to visit our friends Andrew and Lance from college, and we went to a Giants game (which was really fun and part of my new year's resolution), went to the beach, went and saw the bridge up close/drove over it/took pictures, went to a fun nightclub called Infusion Lounge, and saw the movie the Hangover, which was really, really, really funny especially if you're a Las Vegas affectionado like myself. The whole trip will be a lot of fun to scrapbook. Since I've gotten home there have been nonstop events as well. John, the guy I've been dating for a couple months asked me to be his girlfriend and I accepted. I met him at a bar/club in Tacoma (a really skeezy one hahaha) trying to avoid his gross friend. Not the best introduction but he is a really nice guy and we've been having a lot of fun. He's very appreciative of me which is a nice change from both B and T. At the craft fair I went to with my mom I picked up a feather fascinator that matches a dress I have (and that I can't wait to wear out), and some art from this guy- here. I got a trio of Halloween type guys that included a skeleton drinking a martini that I fell in love with. I can't link right to it unfortunately but if you scroll down this page here you can see it and the "after hours" print I'd like to order. Another guy in the trio I ordered is this cat/bat mix guy here. I also got a print of the "make over" piece here, the fall of H Dumpty here, Is that what I think it is here. Can't wait to frame them! There was also a guy selling exquisite pearl and diamond rings (which will be my next major spurge for myself), but the one I liked was way out of my price range at about 2k. On tonight's agenda is working a parade for the casino (handing out promotional items) and then going to visit John. Happy (almost) Father's Day to all you dads! (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Thursday, June 4th, 2009
2:22 am	Lightening the Load I think this is probably the first and only time any of you will ever hear this but- I literally cannot wait to take the LSAT. My prep course ended tonight, after a frustrating 2 month span of weekly practice test scores that were usually somewhat disappointing, I scored my highest ever score on the practice test this Monday..I know what my plan is for taking the test, I'm sick of studying, I hope it will go well (and have reason to think it will, given my practice test score) and I just want to get it over with so I can get on with the rest of my life! I do have a related question that I hope someone can answer for me. The following information was taken from the University of Washington Law School website: Applicants: 2392 Admitted: 601 Enrolled: 187 Median GPA: 3.72, Range: 75/25%: 3.85/3.52 Median LSAT: 163 (91st percentile), Range: 75/25%: 166/159 ---- My question is- does that mean 75% of applicants score a 166 (or better?) on the LSAT? and 25% score between a 166-159? I should understand percentiles from the statistics course I had to take last semester, but I've never been good at math (or stats...although I bagged an A- in the course) and my brain is FRIED from studying (so bad that I MISSED THE EXIT driving home tonight after class...). So if anyone could explain this to me I would be deeply grateful because it's been nagging at the back of my mind. And if you could make the explanation simple I would be even more grateful because otherwise I probably won't understand it. Thank goodness the LSAT does not test math abilities! As far as everything else goes. I'm really sick of writing about him- probably almost as much as you are of hearing about it- but having told everyone the entire pathetic tale of woe as it dragged on for the last two and a half years, I'm not about to gyp my loyal readers' of its conclusion. I finally told T where he could go (not a nice place). I was on pins and needles all graduation weekend and...no call. I saw his family at the ceremony, who I'd never met before, but since he didn't call all weekend, and made no effort to arrange to introduce me, I did not go up to them and introduce myself or congratulate him after the ceremony. I totally wanted to though, and it made me feel like this pathetic hanger-on. So instead I busied myself with my graduated friends and went about my own business. I knew he had to be out of the fraternity house the next day and was depressed that he hadn't bothered to call or say goodbye before he left, or let me know what his plans were....and then lo and behold he and his brother showed up at my house at 2AM drunk. I was not pleased. But what happened next shocked me. T acted like his usual self- not very interested, mildly insulting, made a few jokes about me/my appearance/my activities. His brother on the other hand could not have been MORE interested or pleased to meet me. He left to give T and I some private time but started texting T, and T showed me the following texts- "Dude...don't be an asshole. That is the prettiest girl I have ever seen in my whole life." "I would pay to hang out with her and you are going to mess it up. Don't be dumb. She seems like a nice girl too." It is probably going to sound weird but I rarely if ever received compliments from T over the last 2 1/2 years, despite desperately trying and desperately wanting to. The compliments from his brother set me over the edge and I guess I finally got it. Not to toot my own horn but I am nice, pretty, funny, and accomplished- T could have done a lot worse. I let his comments and attitude dictate my opinion of myself- that I'm not anything special, not worth any effort, and have a lot of flaws. I never felt like I would ever gain his approval, or anyone in his family's approval, so to have his brother see me in a very flattering light was extremely nice and affirming, and allowed me to see myself that way too. So, I said what I have always wanted to say but never have because it made me feel pathetic. I told him the way he acts hurts my feelings a lot and that I have really tried hard to be a good girlfriend/friend, and he does not deserve it, and that he should just go home and not be in contact. And then I walked back into my house without a second glance, not feeling pathetic but more empowered like somebody who finally took a stand. Then my doorbell rang (at 3am) and it was T's brother, who I sat and talked with for awhile. He told me a lot about T that I found very interesting- a lot of the stuff I've taken personally is just the way that he is. T describes his brother as his best friend and makes it sound like they're very close. His brother told me that T never calls him, never invites him to do anything, didn't want to walk in the graduation ceremony, has a terrible relationship with their dad (something T definitely never mentioned), and that when they do talk all T does is babble on about this certain brand of alcohol and make stupid jokes. AKA the same shit he does to me. So all this behavior that felt to me was an indication of my lack of worth is really just how he is with everybody, including the people he feels close to and matters to him. The only reason I even write about it now is that realizing that it wasn't personal lifted a huge weight off my shoulders. I finally got it that there isn't anything wrong with me, or at least that nothing about me is the reason that things didn't work out. He just really isn't that nice of a person and we certainly are not compatible. And I haven't really thought about it since. And thankfully, having it off my mind and not feeling like I need to figure out what my problem is has allowed me to really ease up a little, enjoy my birthday and my time with others, and just overall be a happier person. I'm glad that it's over. I don't want to make this into a huge marathon entry so I'll just say the following- I had a REALLY nice birthday party that I can't wait to post pictures of, really miss scrapbooking/watching TV/even exercising, and am all jazzed to be able to start up on my personal projects again after the big test (and the subsequent trip to San Francisco I'm taking the week after the test)- such as redecorating my room at my parents house and getting back to dance class, particularly ballet. 4 more days, I think I can make it! (5 Comments |Comment on this)
Saturday, March 21st, 2009
1:53 am	The LSAT, the Doctor, and a load of chores. Ahhh I have not been posting because I have pictures I wanted to post but haven't gotten them on the computer (nor have I gotten around to renewing my livejournal account, which I would also need to do). I did get a new camera- a Canon Powershot 890 IS, and I'm super excited to try it out. My only "big news" is that I finally signed up for the LSAT! I'm all set to take it June 8th, which is a Monday. I feel both excited and nervous. Excited, because I need the results of this test to figure out if I am cut out to be a lawyer, and nervous because the results might indicate that I need to rethink my plans for my entire future. So, cross your fingers for me and let me know if you have any tips. I'm already signed up for an LSAT prep class, and my friend Kelly recommended the PowerScore Logic Games Bible and Logic Reasoning Bible, which raised her score ten points, so I will probably buy those and try them out. Nothing too exciting to report, aside from the details of my trips, which I'll post when I post the pictures. I ended up getting really sick when I went to New Orleans so I went to the Doctor last week and she prescribed me some medications. When I was in Portland, the nurse called, and said the doctor thought about it some more and wanted me to do some tests. So today I went back in and gave a blood sample so they could test my liver and kidney functions and some other levels in the blood. I got the results back via email and from what I could tell they looked normal, so hopefully the medication she gave me will work out and that'll be that. I also went and got a book I need for my relationships class, because I'm presenting on that book next week. It's a five step guide on how to improve your dealings with friends, family members, and spouses and looks like an easy read. Hopefully I learn some things I can use, lately some of my friends have either been super selfish or just in the midst of hard times (lay offs and break ups mostly) and not being the greatest friends. Oh well. I have been doing a good job not letting it get me down so I am pleased with that. I also went to work, did two loads of laundry, and watched the end of Under the Tuscan Sun with my mom- such a good movie! I'm hoping tomorrow I will have the energy to do some scrapbooking before I go to a fundraising dinner with my best friend. (4 Comments |Comment on this)
Thursday, January 22nd, 2009
1:36 am	The interview continued EDIT: I successfully ordered prints to be picked up at Bartell's later, and did some successful room renovation (moved my dresser, made my bed with my new sheets, set up my lamp and some photo frames, repositioned the settee). The rash, if possible, got even worse. My skin is red, bumpy, and shiny. And it itches like you would not believe (but hurts to scratch). My eyes were swollen too, when I woke up, but thanks to a freezing cold washcloth I can now pass for close to normal. Super frustrating, because I didn't use any of the aforementioned products and I definitely didn't eat any ice cream. So, no ideas on what could be causing this, but I think it's going to last for awhile =/ Tonight's post is going to be a random series of announcements. Number One (and this may very well be TMI)- I have the worst rash I've ever had in my life. And there are a number of suspects that could be causing it. Yesterday my skin was really itchy and slightly pink- not scary because that happens occasionally due to my Retin-A. I probably should have listened to my skin- because it was really uncomfortable- and discontinued the use of the aforementioned Retin-A, not to mention the two other new skincare products I started using (a Clinique facewash (I've had similar rash problems from that one facial cleanser that comes in the green and white bottle and is super cheap...can't think of the name right now) and a Lancome gel-to-powder t-zone mattifier that has kind of been in my bathroom drawer for a long time- but I didn't. I continued to use the face wash and the Retin-A last night, and woke up with swollen eyes and red swollen skin. Hmph. Sucked for my interview, but I was able to minimize the monster appearance and since they don't know what I normally look like, I think I passed for normal (but more slanty-eyed than I usually appear). I also ate a generous helping of a new brand of soy ice cream that night too, which also could have caused it. It's hard to figure out, because I have the rash on my ears, face (especially my forehead, which looks like a pizza), chest and jaw line. If it was the ice cream that caused it- why wouldn't I have the rash anywhere else on my body? I did put Retin-A on my back, face, and chest, but not on my ears. I used the face wash on my face and neck, but not my back or chest. And I only used the Lancome product on my forehead. So I am more than a little mystified. To solve the problem, I discontinued my use of all three products- Retin-A, Lancome, and face wash, went without any ice cream, and stuck to a mild soap, water, and Aloe vera gel. Unfortunately my skin is so itchy still that it stings, but hopefully it will be better tomorrow and look okay by Saturday, which is my next shift. Aside from that, I had my interview, which went decently, except that I had no idea what to say when they asked for my salary requirements. Also- although both interviewers were extremely nice, I don't think the job is for me. They wanted me to send them some references but I'm planning to send an email tomorrow and let them know that after thinking about it, I don't think I could do the job and school and do a good job at either. I think they'll be understanding about that because the job was way more demanding than it sounded like in their posting, and they didn't post that it was slightly more than full-time hours. Overall it was a positive experience as it buoyed my confidence to hear back on one of my applications, and I think the interview was good practice for me. I also had my first day of school, which I am now slightly embarrassed at whining about yesterday. I think I am going to enjoy the group leadership experience and textbooks more than I anticipated, and it was great to be reunited with my school friends. However, I'm still looking forward to going back to my parents' house tomorrow (I stopped by Target today and was able to get some scrapbooking stickers I needed, and checked out a desk I would like to buy if I had more money). Tomorrow I have a pretty free day except for class, so I'm hoping I can get a few pictures printed and work a little more on setting up my bedroom here (I have four pictures I need to hang, a closet curtain to hem, and I'd like to decorate an empty bulletin board that I have here as well). I also need to measure my settee so I can go ahead and order a cushion from this fabulous seller that I found on ebay. (7 Comments |Comment on this)
Wednesday, January 21st, 2009
1:59 am	The first Interview So after all my bitching yesterday about not hearing back on any of my applications, I finally received a request for an interview today. Unfortunately- it's a downtown firm and it would be a bitch to drive down there and back everyday, considering rush hour and the expensive parking. Equally unfortunate is the fact that I applied to about 16 jobs, and at least 4 were downtown paralegal positions...the guy didn't mention any job details in his request, and since Craigslist masks the advertiser's email (until they respond), I have no idea which job I'll be interviewing for. Either way it's not one I'm particularly qualified for (real estate law, tax law, or litigation- none of which are electives that I took) so I suppose it doesn't matter. Irreguardless, I'm a quick learner and maybe the firm and I will be a fit. If not, at least I'll get in some interview practice- keep your fingers crossed for me that I don't come across as a total asshat (thanks Mom and Dad, for getting me an interview outfit for Christmas!). I applied for one or two other jobs that I was really excited about, so hopefully I'll hear back on one of them too. Before I quit my bitchin', I will note that classes start tomorrow, and as usual I am so not excited to go back. Even though it'll be great to see the girls' again, and I will probably like it once we get into the subject matter. Plus, this is basically my last semester of class-notwithstanding law school. I'm taking two classes- group therapy (which I've heard can be uncomfortable) and relationship therapy. I started reading the textbook for relationship and couples therapy and it is beyond boring- one of those authors that states' over and over and over what they're going to be telling you- it's like just tell me already! On the plus side, it's an easy book to highlight the important parts, because so much of it is just filler. I'm feeling a little done with school at this point- it makes it really hard for me to kind of get on with the rest of my life (really restricting the types of jobs I can apply for/get, which affects pretty much everything else because of finances). If I found a good job that paid decently, I might feel a little more forgiving towards school and allow myself to like it again. If I did land one of the positions, I have quite a few luxury items on my list I'll like to buy- most notably a trip to Vegas for my 25th birthday in May (I want to stay in the Bellagio and see O, and do table service in a club for my birthday or birthday night), I need some new bras, and I'd also really like to buy a couple of (expensive- $20 each) Sex and the City posters for my bedroom at my school house to kind of top off the decorating there. I also saw a little desk and bookshelf at Target that would be nice to have down there, and I've needed paint and a new desk chair for my room at my parents' for ages. I also am going to need to replace my laptop sometime soon here- I've enjoyed having a Mac but have also seen some really tempting Sony and Dell laptops that come in PINK. Some good things about today- I spent time with Chloe (who was student of the day today and very proud), got new scrapbooking things (finally doing some pages of my old dog Blondie, who some of you may remember, as well as my brother's 21st birthday, the Budweiser party cruise, Chloe's ferry trip, and my trip to the horse races last summer), and went to dance class with Courtney- we did a routine we first learned about a month ago that I really sucked at, and doing it again was nice because after letting it settle in my head I did a lot better today. (4 Comments |Comment on this)
Saturday, January 17th, 2009
3:22 am	Girls girls girls I'm continuing to send in my paralegal applications but so far haven't heard a darn thing back. Pretty frustrating considering I've applied to at least 30 jobs and not one person has contacted me to request references or schedule an interview. I would be wondering if maybe my applications were not going through [I HATE INTERNET APPLICATIONS] except I have received about three emails either thanking me for my submission or telling me the person that JUST posted the job is now out of the office for a month. Has anyone else had this experience on Craigslist? Is there anyplace else anyone would recommend looking at for job postings? Aside from the job front I've been trying to use my time productively to either a). improve myself or b). enjoy myself. So far I've mad progress on both fronts. Each night I get a LOT of sleep, which is a very nice change from my college lifestyle where I got very little sleep. I also have "worked" towards my goal to do something REALLY fun to look forward to every month. Here's the yearly breakdown so far: 1. January- Lil Wayne concert- tickets are purchased and concert is next week. 2. February- New Orleans for Mardi gras and Palm Springs for a Pacific Northwest performance and event- tickets and hotel arrangements have been finalized. 3. March- Just bought Lady Gaga tickets for Portland today, am using a coupon I got at the grocery store randomly to take the train [so fun!] to Portland with some girlfriends to enjoy the show and stay overnight. 4. April- Britney Spears Concert- tickets have been purchased, still working on putting together a little pre-party/dinner. For May, we are working on putting together my twenty-fifth birthday party in VEGAS. Sooo excited! But will definitely have to put in some long hours at work before I book that one. I also started putting together my bedroom in my other house. My mom came across a rug dealership that was going out of business and I scored a 5 x 8 gorgeous leopard print rug for only $70. It's a great deal because it's really difficult to find nice looking animal prints (if they're not exactly right they can look on the cheap side, but this one is gorgeous), most of the rugs I was looking at online I didn't like as much and were triple the price, and it unexpectedly looked great next to the bedspread I received for Christmas. So, I was thrilled. Then, this week I happened across a cute little settee at Pier One that was on clearance and snapped that up for only $99 (regularly $250). I can't wait to set everything up down there, and will definitely post pictures when I do. In terms of improvement, I also worked very hard on my other bedroom at my parents' house. It was a huge mess so it took forever to clean but I've already made huge improvements. I threw out two bags full of trash, a big bag full of recycle, put away a laundry bin full of random items, cleaned out my bulletin board, and made some space in my closet. It looks very nice and it's more relaxing for me to be in a clean, uncluttered space. My mom was pleased with the progress also and I think will be more interested helping me shop for paint colors so I can finally move on the redecoration of this room as well. Things on the work front are going well, I already received my check for my December work, and I got my work schedule for January and February. I got every shift I was available for, which was really nice. I feel bad for some of the other girls that didn't get as much work as they wanted, but truth be told they didn't work as hard as I did, and aren't as reliable. It's nice to be recognized for my hard work. I also spoke with a photographer that came in for tonight's event. My girlfriends' that model locally know his work and said he is very good, and we talked about doing a shoot, which would be great. It's been a full year since I've shot any print and it would be good to update since my hair looks very different now. I also went and met with my old roommate and we talked about our big, year-long fight. Overall it was a positive experience. Obviously there are things we don't agree on and will probably never be as close as we were, but she was probably as nice to me as she's been in a year. It was the first time in probably the past two years of being friends that I felt that she actually listened to all of what I said and not just what she wanted to hear. I felt like I was able to stick up for myself in a polite and respectful way, which is very important to me. I also feel good about the fact that she seemed to feel better too. It's not been my objective to hurt anyone's feelings and I know hers were hurt, so it was nice to be able to repair some of that. Pretty interesting though- she revealed that my friend W, who I posted about "losing touch with" a few entries ago, isn't talking to me anymore because she's angry that I'm friends with her exboyfriend. To make a long story short, W dated C for two or three years. They broke up (she may have cheated on him, he may have been an ass...depends on who you believe), I met C about eight months later, and we dated for a couple months. When I started dating C, W, who was in my sorority but who I didn't know (there were 80 girls and I was new...we go to a small school so that happens a lot) became VERY interested in getting to know me. I've always been proud of me and W that, unlike most girls who've dated the same guy, we weren't catty and didn't take our frustrations on the guy out on each other. We made the best out of an awkward situation and each gained a good friend. A year or more later I heard that in the beginning, W said some mean things about me to the other girls in the sorority, but since she didn't know me yet and I was dating her ex that she was still into, I let it pass. Long story short, after W and I became friends, she and C became friends again, she started taking me over to C's apartment with her and C and I became friends again too. Things were kind of rough between us after we broke up, but I was impressed with the fact that he extended the invite to the gettogethers at his place to me, and how nice he was when I came. Occasionally he'd visit at school, and since he had nowhere to stay and my roommate and I had an extra bed, he'd ask to stay with us and I said sure- I figured I was repaying the courtesy of being so warmly received at his place. But apparently, my letting him stay in my empty guest bed on the other side of the house from my room is "really fucked up" and "broke the girl code," according to W. At the time, I was dating another guy, B, who was in a class with W, and after I started dating him, B and W became BFF. I thought that was kind of improper, but considering they already knew each other, we come from a small school, I trusted them both, and wasn't that into B romantically I decided to let it go and never said anything. I only mention it now just because it's kind of ironic that W is so mad at me for doing THE EXACT SAME THING she did to me. Except it's only "fucked up" when I do it because it's HER feelings that were hurt. I have to say that I'm more annoyed than anything. I missed W as a friend and I did think of her as a real friend, but this is immature and she needs to get over it. I'm not going to be mean to her exboyfriend she broke up with like three years ago (especially when she isn't!)- I'm nice to everybody. Not everything is about her. Not to mention, although we were apparently close enough that it's "really fucked up" that I'm friends with her ex, we apparently weren't good friends enough for her to even MENTION to me that her feelings were hurt or that she was uncomfortable- she was a good friend of mine and that would have mattered to me. I would have done whatever short of being rude/mean to C to make sure that W's feelings were protected. Also- why on earth did she bring me over to his apartment in the first place if she didn't want us to be friendly? But, I guess she is more of the typical negative girl stereotype than I thought she was. Totally willing to throw a true friend under the bus for a guy, which is a real shame because it's not like she got the guy back by doing it. He didn't notice, he and I are still friends, and she just lost two people who actually did care about her without gaining a damn thing. Hopefully in the future I'll feel a little more forgiving and we'll be able to talk about it, but right now I just feel PISSED. My girlfriends are so important to me. But I cannot fucking stand it when they pass off their bad feelings, jealousy, or insecurities onto me. I have never done anything that would suggest to anybody that I would fuck over a friend for a dude, or that I only like people or who are like me/look like me, or that I've "broken the code" in anyway- I've been there for my girlfriends in every single one of their times of needs. A lot of times I've been one of FEW people who has been there to do whatever they can to help out- I don't deserve to be treated like some trick by the people who are supposed to know me well. (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Friday, January 9th, 2009
1:39 am	99 Problems I think it's comes with being 24, but I really can't, for the life of me, figure out what I want to do with myself this year, let alone the rest of my life. I think my problem is that I'm one of those people who wants to do and try everything, and go everywhere. Sometimes all my competing interests makes it hard to focus and figure out what I really want. For example, I've thought for a long time that I would like to be a lawyer/paralegal. I did well in my paralegal program (which I have finished) and the work was interesting. It pays well. It's a relatively stable industry. I would enjoy the prestige that comes alongside being a professional. At the same time though, I'd like to be a make-up artist. I LOVE doing make-up for people. It would be so much fun to do make-up all day. And I think I have a talent for it and would love to learn more. Being a make-up artist would lend itself to so many interesting opportunities- possibly working on fashion shows, weddings, special event make-up, make-up for television, special effects make-up. I would love the exposure to all of that. Also, it would be pretty low stress for me. I also love dance. I love to watch it and I love to do it. I can't watch without wanting to immediately be in a lesson. It's completely enthralling, and the exercise is good for me. At this point I'm a little old in the tooth to consider becoming a professional dancer, but it could be a pretty consuming hobby for me. I would also enjoy teaching classes to small children, as I think it would help me develop as a choreographer. Another great love of mine is scrapbooking. I would definitely be interested in submitting some of my layouts to magazines for possible publication, teaching some classes, developing my own product line (I have an idea for what I'd like to make..just no idea how to actually make it!...although now that I'm thinking about it I could probably do it by hand...I might have an idea). But I am clueless as far as manufacturing on a wider scale, or how one goes about learning that information. Yet another love of mine is writing. I don't think I'm particularly good or bad at it, it's just something I enjoy. I enjoy all types of writing- technical writing, fiction writing, comedic writing (like developing a stand-up comedy routine or writing jokes for a speech or production), song writing (which I really, really suck at), reporting. It's so interesting to choose to investigate something or develop an idea, and I love having a finished product/accomplishment at the end of the day. Not to mention, as I'm working on my fifth degree/certification, I think I could be considered a professional student. I don't so much want to continue this, but I feel like I need the knowledge- earlier today I was looking at a professional make-up school, I would continue further pursuing my study of law and of psychology in the form of a Ph.D, and of course I'm interested in law school. Very interested in law school. The problem with all this schooling however, it that it's expensive and time-consuming and I forces me to go in half-directions: I need money to live on so I can never really pursue one thing full steam ahead, I have to be working in order to fund my lifestyle. I would also really enjoy learning more about sewing. And making jewelry. And...8957657845 other things. (4 Comments |Comment on this)
Friday, January 2nd, 2009
12:14 am	Rewind 2008 Rewind 2008 Because I did this in 2006 and 2005 (but apparently forgot 2007?), after I stole it from Kelly- 2008, a year in review. 1. What did you do in 2008 that you'd never done before? Went to New Orleans, volunteered on a semi-regular basis, dyed my hair jet black, chaperoned a kindergarten field trip, choreographed for the school dance show, rented a house independently from the school, received a lap dance, produced a concert series. 2. Did you keep your new year's resolutions, and will you make more for next year? I don't remember making any! My resolutions for this year will be listed at the end of the entry. 3. Did anyone close to you give birth? Actually no! 4. Did anyone close to you die? No 5. What countries did you visit? None, not even Canada. I still don't have a passport, so I guess we can make that another resolution. 6. What would you like to have in 2008 that you lacked in in previous years? Past items on my list included more hot dates, which are always welcome (but not necessarily a main priority for me right now), trips abroad (I'm still interested but am not planning on making this a top priority either)...so I guess I'd say finding a great internship (possibly paying?). Financial security would be great, considering the year I've had and the economy. I guess I would say finding financial security, finding a great job that makes sense for my future and that I enjoy, and getting closer to my friends are my top priority. Getting in great shape and doing more dance wise would be great too. I didn't exactly lack a great group of girlfriends, but this year I'm hoping to become even closer, maybe get a place with my friends Channing, Courtney, and Charm. 7. What dates from 2005 will remain etched upon your memory, and why? There really aren't any besides the usual birthdays and Holidays- particularly MY birthday party and St. Patrick's Day in New Orleans. 8. What was your biggest achievement of the year? GOT THE FUCK OVER IT ;) Those of you who are friendlisted probably know who I'm referring to, became a top girl in my industry without the usual trappings (moving to NYC/LA, getting implants, getting naked...nothing against that just not something I want to do at the moment). 9. What was your biggest failure? I wish I had been able to get over T faster, but I recognize that I did my best and really appreciate the people that helped get me through it. Plus, I gained a lot of empathy for people who are in pain. 10. Did you suffer illness or injury? As always. I lost my voice in August and it's still scratchy in the mornings, on and off cramps, a lot of back and neck soreness (at this point I've tried physical therapy, regular exercise, massage therapy, private pilates...my next attempts at getting a more ergonomic deskchair, and going to a chiropractor). 11. What was the best thing you got? My trip to New Orleans, scrapbooking stuff, and new clothes for Christmas that I desperately needed to look more like a grown-up. 12. Whose behavior merited celebration? C's [as always]. Aynsley, for having the nerve to smooth things over with me after a year and a half of silence, I certainly didn't. Charm and Courtney- always so much fun. 13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed? My exboyfriend T's. But NOT ANYMORE!!!! ;) And my former roommate's. But I am very hopeful that situation is going to get better in 2009. Not happy about falling out of touch with my friend W. 14. Where did most of your money go? I paid off my debt and paid my living/school expenses. My money spent on "fun" went mostly to scrapbooking and gas. 15. What did you get really, really, really excited about? Going to New Orleans, going to Summer Jam, PNB Gala, my birthday party/Sex and the City movie, having Homecoming/Halloween/Christmas/New Years Eve parties and get-togethers, helping produce a summer concert series. Alumni sorority stuff. 16. What song will always remind you of 2008? Lollipop. 17. Compared to this time last year, are you: a) happier or sadder? Happier. By far. b) thinner or fatter? I'm not actually sure. My weight has been up and down all year =x c) richer or poorer? Richer (but still pretty poor!), because I paid off my debt. 18. What do you wish you'd done more of? Relaxed. Saved more money. Worked more, sort of [I was really glad for the time off and NEEDED it but it'd be nice to have more money]. Stayed in better shape. DITTO 2008!!! 19. What do you wish you'd done less of? Mourning a dead relationship. 20. How will you be spending Christmas? With my family at my house. [again]. 21. Did you fall in love in 2008? No, but I learned that I don't like being with jealous guys, and I'm not ready to make one person my everything...and I consider finding out what I like and don't progress. 22.How many one-night stands? Not in the traditional sense. 23.What was your favorite TV program? What Not to Wear! 24. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year? Nope. Which is incredibly refreshing. 25. What was the best book you read? I read a lot of good ones- mostly true crime, chick lit, and mystery. 26. What was your greatest musical discovery? LIL' WAYNE! And I kind of rediscovered Britney (although I never gave up hope!). 27. What did you want and get? Learned to deal with disappointment in a more constructive way, learned that I can forgive people and it feels good, really enjoyed my Masters' program, finally started scrapbooking with reckless abandon. Went to many great concerts and shows. 28. What did you want and not get? I'd like to be more into dance and fitness. I wish I was cleaner and more organized. Ditto again for 2008. I also really wanted to go to Yankee Stadium in NYC before they tore it down. 29. What was your favourite film of this year? Sex and the City Movie. I also recently saw two good "old" movies- Raggedy Man and The Goodbye Girl. 30. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? Went to dinner at the Cheesecake Factory and then to the opening gala of the Seattle Film Festival, where I was 3 feet from Charlize Theron and saw her (AND CHANNING TATUM'S!) new movie - Battle in Seattle, and went to the afterparty (and learned to bring a flask because I don't like beer or wine). Then a week later I had a birthday party at Mexican Cantina where we had dinner and drinks, went to the Sex and the City movie, and went out dancing afterwards. Turning 24 was great! 31. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? Financial security. 32. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2008? Wore a lot of old, ill-fitting clothes. =/ 33. What kept you sane? I stopped harboring a lot of old disappointments. I learned how to enjoy spending time by myself. And getting rid of my debt really helped curb my anxiety. 34. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? Channing Tatum. AGAIN. Forever and always. 35. What political issue stirred you the most? PRESIDENT BARACK OBAMA! And secretary of state Hillary Clinton ;) Otherwise the economy/gas price crisis. 36. Who did you miss? Cee, when she's at school. M, in some contexts. I did miss what T and I had. 37. Who was the best new person you met? The friends I already had continued to impress me, I met some great girls at school that I'm already close to, and made deeper friendships with the girls at work and B, a friend of a friend. 38. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2008: Put down the weight. 39. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year: shawty said the nigga that she with ain't shit shawty said the nigga that she with ain't this shawty said nigga that she with can't hit well shawty ima hit it like i can't miss Lollipop by Lil Wayne You’re gonna be a shining star, in fancy clothes, and fancy car-ars. And then you’ll see, you’re gonna go far, Cause everyone knows, just who you are-are. So live your life, ay ay ay. Your steady chasing that paper, Just live your life (Oh!), ay ay ay. You got no time for no hata’s Just live your life (Oh!), ay ay ay. No telling where it’ll take ya, Just live your life (Oh!), ay ay ay. -Live ya Life by T.I. feat. Rihanna Questions I'm adding to the survey: 4b. Did anyone close to you get married? My friend Crystal got married in July, and my childhood friend Corrie got married in November, both weddings were lovely. My friend Katie canceled her wedding =( And my school friend AmyLynne got married in August [but that was before I knew her!]. My high school "love" got married over the summer as well. 4c. Did anyone close to you get engaged? Heck yes! My big sis Jess in my sorority got engaged last winter, my sorority sister/"twin" Dani got engaged on New Years Eve, my grad school classmate Cameron got engaged in May, my work friend Hollie got engaged in the fall. A few other girls from school got engaged as well- Ann, Blaze, Jessica, and Lindsey, but I don't know them as well/keep in touch. 40. Did you attend any concerts? YES. Over the summer I saw Lil' Wayne, The Game, T-Pain, and Bow Wow at a radio station concert, I helped produce a summer concert series and saw Amy Dalley, Trisha Yearwood, Huey Lewis, KC & the Sunshine Band, Buddy Guy, and George Thorogood (all in VIP- our Temptations and Four Tops concerts were rained out). At the Bumbershoot Music Festival that my good friend Lisa interned at I saw Keyshia Cole and T.I. in VIP. And then in the Fall I was given VIP tickets to see Alanis Morissette by my friend Chris. 2009 RESOLUTIONS: 1. To find a decent/good/great job in the legal field 2. Get "bikini ready" 3. To choreograph for at least one show 4. To take a class from the experimental college 5. Go to dance class regularly 6. Get a passport 7. Get a more ergonomic desk chair 8. See what a chiropractor can do for my back and neck. 9. Do something "really fun" every month. 10. Find a great internship 11. Have new bikini and head shots taken 12. Go to sports games in some new arenas for teams I haven't seen 13. Attend a party at the playboy mansion 14. Get a new computer (or fix mine) 15. Take the LSAT in June or October 16. Write something. and let people read it. 17. Revamp the website. FINALLY 18. Ring girl a live fight 19. Get a polaroid camera 20. Paint my bedroom and possibly: 22. Take Chloe to Disneyland...she's five now, and gets kind of intimidated by stuff like that, but really wants to go. So I'm waiting until I feel like it would be the most fun/magical experience for her, and until her parents feel comfortable letting her go. So that might be next year, the year after, or the year after that. We'll see. My mom and friend Courtney would probably also join us, I would really like to go for Mickey's Haunted Party in October or whatever it's called. (4 Comments |Comment on this)
Thursday, December 18th, 2008
5:14 pm	Ho ho ho, 1 to go 3 finals down and one to go. I just want to freaking finish already so I can start celebrating Christmas! I really need to Christmas shop too, although I did help Chloe make and pay for ceramics for her parents (a mug and a n ornament) and took her to get her Christmas portraits taken (which came out adorable!), which I always give to her parents. So, at least the "work" on that gift has already been completed. I already ordered Arrested Development Seasons 1-3 for my brother and a skiing DVD for my friend Jay, but neither has been delivered yet. Other than that I just need to pick up gifts for Chloe (a puppy that grows that she and I found at Fred Meyer), my aunt and uncle, and my parents. My dad wants a Norelco electric shaver, and I have no idea what the other three would like, so hopefully I find something good. I've never waited this long to do my Christmas shopping and don't feel great about it but due to multiple factors (having to wait a really long time for my paycheck, finals, crazy schedule, not having lists from anybody) it just couldn't have been avoided. Some other things I'm excited to do are put my Halloween-Christmas pictures online, going shopping with my mom (I saw this fake tree that was really neat at White's Nursery for $425. The "trunk" of the tree is glass and lights up, and bubbles go up itI can't afford that, but I liked it enough to go back and see if it might be on sale yet..although it would have to be REALLY discounted for me to be able to get it) and of course more scrapbooking! Yesterday I had three finals in a row. I haven't gotten grades back yet for the last one, but I got an A on the first one and an A- on the second one, so so far I am thrilled. I anticipate doing pretty well on the last final too- it was a presentation about socioeconomic status and mental healthcare, an issue that's been close to my heart for quite awhile. My Britney Spears tickets arrived in the mail- the insurance I bought for them came the next day and had more paperwork than my life insurance did, kind of funny. The Christmas cards are rolling in slowly this year. I wasn't planning on sending many, even though by now I'm an adult and shouldn't be piggy-backing on my parents' cards any longer. This point was made especially obvious when my cousin's wife sent two identical cards- one addressed to my parents and brother, and one addressed to me. I need to remember to get them a card even if I don't send any other ones, it was nice of her to do that. My other cousin and his wife sent a card with the first photo that I've seen of their baby- I'm not just saying this because we're related but he is absolutely adorable. Kind of weird, but I always planned on naming my future son, if I have one, Madden, after John Madden. I just love the name, and I have never met any other little kid named Madden. Plus it's easy to spell and say (and it sounded good with my ex's weird last name, although I never planned on having kids with him). So guess what my cousin named his baby boy? Madden! It was weird to see my cousin, who I remember as a teenager/little kid, standing in front of a stocking that says "Dad" on it. At first I was like who the hell is Dad? My cousin's wife makes the cards she sends every year and appears to be into crafting, which I am too. I actually haven't met either of my cousin's wives or kids yet, because they live far away. I'm going to try to remember to make a card and send it to them, because I think she would appreciate that. So, now apparently I have to be on the hunt for a new favorite baby name, just in case. What are your guys' favorites? My other cousin's kids are named Alex (boy) and Teagan (girl). My second cousin has three kids- twin girls named Emily and Nicole, and a new baby on the way that will be named Ashley. Not a fan of the name Teagan. Or Morgan or any of those soundalike names. The other names are okay but none are favorites of mine. My favorite baby names for boys are Madden and Gage, and my favorite names for girls are Chloe (but I already have a Chloe in my life so I can't use that one), Koi (like the pond), and Jayde. I like names that are a little bit unusual but don't sound stupid, and are easy to say and spell. Tomorrow is the first annual holiday party that I planned for my sorority (Happy Hour at a local chocolate and martini bar). I invited the 600 members of the alumni chapter, and since it is dumping down snow I'll be pleased if 6 show up. Thrilled if I get 8-10. Not sure if the place can accommodate much more than that. I meant to take in the black dress with the sequin halter that I got in October to be dry-cleaned and totally forgot, pretty bummed about that. Now I am planning to wear a silky red and black top with black pants. I could also probably wear a gold and black halter dress I got in November, but I've been wearing that out a lot recently and I kind of want to mix it up a bit. (6 Comments |Comment on this)
5:07 pm	3 finals down and one to go. I just want to freaking finish already so I can start celebrating Christmas! (Comment on this)
Tuesday, December 9th, 2008
9:16 pm	The 12 Months of Review Here's a survey I stole from Sarah, who most likely got it from Alexa! JANUARY 1 Who kisse​d you on new years​?​ My friend Lisa. On the lips, in full on drunk mode. When the ball dropped though, I kissed her sweet friend Shawn on the cheek. 2 Did you have a New Year'​s Resol​ution​ this year?​ To get a new job that I like regardless of how many tries it takes. 3 Does it snow where​ you live?​ Sometimes. Last year it didn't snow at Christmas but it did in late April, how weird is that?! 4 Do you like hot choco​late?​ No, I'm allergic to it and don't care for the soy-milk version. 5 Have you ever been to Times​ Squar​e to watch​ the ball drop?​ No, but I would love to do that someday. ​FEBRU​ARY 1 Who was your Valen​tine?​ I didn't have one, but I did teach a dance class on Valentine's Day. 2 When you were littl​e did you buy Valen​tines​ for the whole​ class​?​ Yes, always. 3 Do you care if the groun​dhog sees its shado​w or not? Kind of. 4 What did you recei​ve for Valen​tine'​s day? Nothing! =( But at least I didn't have a break-up like I did in 2007. 5 What did you give for valen​tine'​s day? Nothing this year. MARCH​ 1 Are you Irish​?​ Yes 2 Do you like corne​d beef and cabba​ge?​ Never tried it, but in general I'm a big fan of beef. 3 What​ did you do for St.Patri​ck's day? I flew to New Orleans and went out in the french quarter after the airline lost my luggage! We even ended up at a strip club where I received my first ever lap dance. ​APRIL​ 1 Do you like the rain?​ Yes, especially when it rains REALLY hard. 2 Did you play an April​ fool'​s joke on anyon​e this year?​ I probably tried to. 3 Do you get tons of candy​ for Easte​r?​ I don't care for candy. 4 Do you celeb​rate 4/​20?​ Actually yes I did, for the first [and last] time. Not my thing. 5 Do you love the month​ of April​?​ Not really, but the things I love about April in general are April Fool's, my mom's birthday, Easter, and my spring dance recital. MAY 1 What is your favor​ite flowe​r?​ Colorful gerber daisies. 2 Finis​h the phras​e "​April​ showe​rs…"​ bring May Flowers? 3 Do you celeb​rate May 16th:​ Of course- Happy Mother's Day Mom! 4 Is May anyth​ing speci​al to you? YES! The end of the school year/graduation, and MY BIRTHDAY! And the Seattle Film Festival starts then too. ​JUNE 1 What year did/​will you gradu​ate from high schoo​l?​ 2002 2 Did you do anyth​ing fun durin​g this last June?​ I went to a prom at the zoo. Otherwise I did a lot of things that weren't fun- driving 100 miles a day for summer school when gas cost $4.25 a gallon and paid off my debt. 3 Have a favor​ite baseb​all team?​ The NY Yankees! ​JULY 1 What did you do on the 4th of July?​ Watched Chloe ride her tricycle in the local parade and then went and watched fireworks on a date with my then-boyfriend. 2 Did you go to the firew​orks?​ Yes and they were incredible! 3 Did you blast​ the A/C all day? Yes because I had a tough work-out in the gym that day. AUGUS​T 1 Did you do anyth​ing speci​al at the end of your Summe​r?​ Went boating a lot and finished my advanced Paralegal certificate, went to a Seahawks/Raiders' game, got VIP tickets to see T.I. and Keyshia Cole. 2 What was your favor​ite summe​r memor​y of '08? Going boating for sure. My birthday parties were also great. 3 Did you have a sunbu​rn?​ Not once, I don't burn. 4 Did you go to the pool a lot? I did because Chloe took swimming lessons. But I never went in the water! SEPTE​MBER 1 Are you atten​ding colle​ge/​schoo​l?​ Yes because I'm getting my master's degree. 2 Do you like fall bette​r than summe​r?​ Actually yes. I love all the special events and holiday's to celebrate. 3 What happe​ned this last Septe​mber?​ I hosted a brunch at my house for Homecoming, went to the Mariners/Yankees series with GREAT seats, reunited with an ex, and went to my 4th Pacific Northwest Opening Gala. OCTOB​ER 1 What did you do for Hallo​ween?​ Went to about six parties- dressed as a (trampy) vampire, beer girl, nun, lady-bug, peacock, Dorothy from Oz...I actually Halloweened myself out this year. 2 What is your favor​ite candy​?​ Skittles or chocolate. 3 What was your favor​ite thing​ about​ Octob​er?​ Dressing up! NOVEM​BER 1 Whose​ house​ do you go to for Thank​sgivi​ng? This year I had Courtney over to my house and then we went to the bars with some other friends last year. 2 What are you thank​ful for? All the special people in my life, that I'm still dancing, that my car still runs, that my hair finally grew out (and that I'm still enjoying my $10 dollar dye job that I did myself!), that I have two very fun jobs, that I'm getting a Master's Degree soon. 3 Do you love stuff​ing?​ I do! 4 Anyth​ing speci​al in this month​?​ Performed in my fifth repertory dance group recital, went to my first Red Dress Gala post-college, got great [free!] tickets to an Alanis Morrissette concert, had a really good date. ​DECEM​BER 1 Do you celeb​rate Chris​tmas?​ All month long! 2 Have you ever been kisse​d under​ the mistl​etoe?​ Yes but not by a special someone. 3 Get anyth​ing speci​al last year?​ I got a lot of nice things but nothing that stands out as especially nicer than the rest. 4 What do you want this year?​ New clothes, scrapbooking stuff, maybe a polaroid camera although I've heard that you can't get film for them anymore? 5 What do you love most about​ Decem​ber?​ Getting portraits with Santa and friends, Christmas shopping with my mom, taking Chloe out to see Santa. ------------------ Now that you've made it to the end of my survey tell me- what is your biggest wish for yourself for the upcoming year? What do you most want to do or buy or see? If you could get anything you want/have anything happen to you, what would it be? (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Sunday, December 7th, 2008
1:38 am	Go Go Go Work is just crazy lately! Last Sunday they sent in a film crew to get some footage for an upcoming commercial. As soon as I got to work they had me sign a release. I had mixed feelings about signing the waiver- on the one hand, I am really excited about the possibility of being on TV! On the other, as a promo girl, I am my brand, and I don't think it's right that the venue should be able to use my image as a means to promote themselves without paying me for it. Don't get me wrong- I get paid for working, but my "duties" don't include being filmed. Also, I wonder what they would have done if I had refused to sign the waiver, and if it would have resulted in me being dismissed for the day and losing that day's pay, or losing shifts in the future on the basis of being difficult to work with? For those two reasons- I went ahead and signed the release and participated. My usual coworker called in and canceled and so another girl came in and took her place. Almost as soon as we started she twisted her ankle and was out for the rest of the game. So, the film crew focused on me quite a bit, as they are not allowed to show the faces of the patrons. So, assuming that they use the footage they got, I may be featured quite a bit in a commercial! Or I might not be in it at all, but if you live in the Pacific Northwest be on the lookout! Tonight I worked as a ring girl for the big De la Hoya fight for HBO Championship Boxing (the venue broadcasted it via Satellite, I was not at the live fight). We were packed to capacity (almost 400 people) and had a huge line stretching out the door. We even had a cute patron tonight, something that doesn't happen very often. We have really nice customers at work, and attractive ones, but almost never people I'm attracted TO. Unfortunately, he had a neck tattoo, so I doubt we would have been compatible, and was pretty focused on the fight (but I did notice him check me out a couple times!). I had a lot of fun running around and talking to people- especially the cute guy and his friends. Funny how that makes the time pass a lot faster and the work more enjoyable. I enjoyed talking to our other regulars too though- everyone was in a good mood. Sometimes the fights attract a rough crowd and the people give us shit, but tonight everyone was nice and talkative and fun and I really enjoyed myself. I was sorry, however, to watch De la Hoya get his ass beat- he threw in the towel somewhere around the eight or ninth round. After the fight I was asked to MC the night's giveaway and spoke onstage on the mike for the huge crowd. I really enjoy doing it and it is a huge rush. I don't let myself be nervous beforehand, and I do pretty well at keeping my voice loud and steady and the shakes to a minimum while I'm onstage, but as soon as I got to the dressing room I started shaking like a leaf. Afterwards I spoke to a patron that manages a hip-hop artist and works quite a bit with a pretty well known venue here (Grammy winners have performed there, and recently Gavin Rossdale and the Wu Tang Clan had shows there, Katy Perry has one coming up) and he gave me his business card and told me to check him out and give him a call about MCing shows there, which would be huge! Who knows if it'll ever happen (in this industry there's a lot of talk and sometimes MONTHS in between events) but it certainly would be cool to get the hook up at that venue! After the shift I got paid finally as well- $1600- I've never been so happy to have money coming in! I plan to use the money to pay some bills, do my Christmas shopping, and hopefully cover a vacation to Mardi Gras and to Palm Springs in February. Hopefully there's enough, otherwise I'll have to alter/cancel my vacation plans. Socially things are popping as well. On Tuesday I went back to dance class finally (my first since mid November) and brought my friend Courtney with me. I felt really stiff- things with my back are getting worse and I'm going to have to have that checked out. I gave up on the massage therapy because it wasn't helping any more than physical therapy did. My mom thinks I need to see a specialist and get some x-rays done and I agree with her. Afterwards she took me to a local bar where we played in a beer pong championship. I played with her friend Nick and we actually ended up making it to semi-finals (one round short of the final game) despite my never having played before. In one game I actually made five shots! It was a lot of fun. I also attended a friend's birthday party on Friday, a sort of social swan song until Tuesday or Thursday (depending on how much work I have left). The birthday party was for a friend I was really happy to have reconnected with this past year. I was really glad to support my friend and help her enjoy her birthday, and discovered a fun new place and neighborhood to party in, but didn't really enjoy myself overall. The reason I didn't is because I don't connect with the majority of her friends. They went to my college and a few of them are also in my sorority, but I just never felt a connection with them. We get along but I don't feel like there's a lot we can talk about, especially when they've been drinking, and most of them were shithoused by the time I got to the party. Kind of ironic but the one I disliked the most during college was the one whose company I enjoyed most at the party, although for most of the party I hung out with my friend's friends from home (a small town across the state). Kind of ironic I'd enjoy their company more than my college peers, but oh well. After thinking about it, I realized that the reason we don't connect and why I don't like many of them is because most of them are self-centered and are not genuine. Even when they're saying nice things or asking questions it's apparent that it's just lip-service and they either don't mean it or are not interested. I'm not like that, at all. I'm genuinely curious about what other people are doing- whether it's a friend from childhood or a best friend or someone I just met or even people I haven't met but have heard lots about, like a friend's high school boyfriend. I'm not always nice, but in general I have a big heart. That realization that I don't like or particularly respect them made it easy for me not to care whether they liked me, and also proud of myself that I gave them another shot (although none of them merited it). I also moved on when I made that realization and got to know some of my friend's friends from home, most of whom I thought were nice people, and knowing them helps me know my friend a little bit better because now I know more about where/who she comes from. She and I made plans to hang out at her apartment later and I'm looking both forward to seeing her place and spending time with her that I know I will enjoy. Not to mention, it helped me see that out of control drunk is not a good look for people my age. I like to have a good time and drink and I usually don't judge people for what they do when they're out. Maybe I'm being mean because I didn't like these girls, or maybe I was just experiencing a rare moment of maturity and clarity (probably a mixture of both) but either way I saw a lot of shit that I didn't like and don't want to be. One of the girls made out with a guy she just met at the party in full view of everyone at the bar (dressed in a white almost see-through, too small tube top and too small denim skirt in Seattle in December)- how sloppy is that? She was so drunk she could barely speak- their friendships with each other must not be particularly genuine either because if any "best friend" of mine was in that state there is no way I would have stood by and criticized and laughed at her while it happened. The rest of them were operating under alcohol-influenced bravado and were walking around with the whole i-run-this-shit chip on their shoulders that was as unattractive as it was lame and untrue. Three others at the party got cut off at the bar (talk about not really being VIP despite the attitude). I felt sorry for the birthday girl- with "friends" like these, she has no room for enemies and is going to put up with a lot of crap for as long as the friendships last. What a lesson about why it's important to be discerning regarding who you allow into your life, and especially your inner circle. I've gone through a lot of hard times in the past year struggling with what to do when friendships change/become unsalvageable, and when good friends disappoint you and break your heart, but if the work I'm doing now prevents me from ending up in a situation like this, then it will be worth it, as hard as it was. Strangely too, attending this party helped me see my friendship/struggle with my exroommate, M, in a different light. Despite the troubles we've had, she is genuine. Our friendship, although it seems long gone, was genuine for as long as it existed. She was not always there for me the way that I wanted her to be, but she was there for me the best way she knew how to be, even if she thought that was bossing me around like a child and and wanting and telling me to behave in such a way that I couldn't be true to myself. Although she can and often puts herself before others, she is not so self-centered that she can't even see past herself. I don't really like admitting this, but I think she was the only person who saw a lot of my partying for what it is- a response to a really big hurt that I wish I could just fun away- and called me on it. She saw what I wouldn't- all the fun in the world won't heal your heart when it's shattered into pieces, there is other work you have to do to get it to mend right. Work I still haven't done. She wasn't in the right to try and push me into doing that work before I was ready to do it, and the methods she used to try to force me were awful and a horrible experience for me, but her motives weren't so awful- mostly wanting her helpful friend back, and genuine concern for my pain. And I am not as blameless as I'd like to be. This week my friends are having our annual Holiday party on Thursday, and a friend/co-worker invited me to the club she go-go dances at for a party. I've been wanting to go-go dance for a long time and this would be a good opportunity to meet the club owner and her boss and see the girls in action so I can hopefully practice what they do at home before I have to try out. On Friday, one of my best friends and another friend from college are coming for a weekend visit. Not great timing for me but I haven't seen him since early summer and the other friend since May, I can't wait to see them and want to spend as much time with them as I can. Otherwise I have been working on my final papers and projects in between work shifts to hopefully avoid any last-minute cramming or all nights. I have a take-home final due on Wednesday that I started working on tonite (a treatment plan with an emphasis on transactional analysis and narrative therapy). After that I have a ten minute presentation on the resources available in my community for low-income patients to give on the 17th, as well as an oral exam where I'll be using a patient's Strong Interest Inventory results to answer a mystery question they have regarding their work/educational path and a written take-home exam for tests and measurements that I did about 1/10th the work on already (give me a break, it's not due for almost two weeks!). I'm ready for the oral exam but I haven't done anything for the presentation except schedule an interview with a former professor of mine that volunteers in a neighborhood clinic that provides free and lost cost mental health services. Additionally, I have a second oral exam treating a patient from a humanistic therapies perspective that I have yet to schedule (this is the part I'm most nervous about- there are a lot of concepts and techniques to remember!). It's been harder than I expected to make progress on everything because there is so much to do, so many social engagements, and because I got so many shifts at work. I really want to get everything done as soon as possible though because after they're all completed, I'm on break for an entire month! (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Sunday, November 30th, 2008
11:59 pm	Holidaze Lately I've been frustrated with myself. So much is goin' on and sometimes it seems like it just never stops. There's been so much random stress in my life that I didn't even realize was buggin' me. It's hard to get up the energy sometimes to take care of either the important things or the little details. It feels like everything around me is literally a mess- not in the best condition. And everything is chaotic- I don't know where any of my stuff is or what condition it's in. Makes it hard to get anything done. My life is kind of weird sometimes because I don't have a set schedule. I don't have work or class until (at the earliest) 4pm everyday, so I usually stay up pretty late- around 4AM, and sleep all day. The hours between eleven and 4am pass so fast, it's weird. Every time I glance at the clock another hour has passed by. Sometimes I don't even know what I'm doing. Not anything important. I usually wake up for the day around 2pm, and spend an hour and a half showering and getting ready for my day. It's a pretty weird schedule and I don't really like it. I feel tired a lot even though technically I sleep the required amount per day. This weekend went by funny. After Thanksgiving dinner some friends came over and we went out to a bar and drank. On Friday I scrapbooked with my mom for a couple hours and then went to a friend's birthday dinner. Not sure why- but we all got pretty wasted. In all the excitement I left my cell phone at her house, which was a big annoyance for the rest of the weekend. I posted my home phone number on facebook and was woken up 10am on Saturday. I picked up Courtney at 11:30 and we went and scrapbooked with her friend Kelly and Kelly's friend, and then went and got pho for lunch. It was a lot of fun. I scrapbooked for a few more hours with my mom Saturday afternoon/evening, and we rented Baby Mama which was super funny. Then my friend Josh, who I hadn't seen in a couple YEARS randomly messaged me and said he was in town for the one night, so I took two friends and met up with him at a bar downtown. The last time we really talked our friendship kind of unraveled and so it was nice to see each other and have things be friendly and cool. To be honest I still remember what we argued about (haha, at least it was important?) but I think it's really important not to stay angry over differences like that. I probably would have been best served just to have gone to bed early, but it's been really important to me lately to make some amends and just resolve some negative stuff and try to make things more positive. On Sunday I slept in and then drove to Tacoma to pick up my phone. Afterwards my mom and I watched the Britney special on MTV and did crafts. My boss finally called and gave me my December schedule- I'm working every Sunday and Monday football game so that should be good for my bottom line. Now I just need to get my paychecks for October and November and I will be set. I have a long list of things I want to do when I get paid- get my oil changed, do Christmas shopping, dry-clean all my Halloween costumes/a couple dresses, get some new clothes, book my Palm Springs airfare, maybe get a new laptop. I'd also like to start looking for a part-time paralegal position that I could hopefully start in January. Best-case scenario I'd find a paralegal job to start after the New Year, and I could use my December check for my Palm Springs trip in February, and have enough money left over to go to Mardi Gras in New Orleans in February too. That's what I really want. That would be a great finish the season/yay I have a new job present to get things started off right. I have so much to do. I'm not really sure what the agenda is- I have a 4 page paper due on Thursday I'd like to finish but I'm waiting for some materials to arrive in the mail. I have another project for my other class I should start working on, as well as some reading and an assignment. I want to get my bangs trimmed, and it would be nice to make an appearance at the gym. My car still needs to get cleaned out, I have piles of laundry to do, I have pictures I want to get printed. I haven't started my Christmas shopping and I really need to do that. I can't even believe that it's December already. (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Friday, November 28th, 2008
2:38 am	Happy Holidays? For someone who had a really nice Thanksgiving, I should not be feeling as sad as I am. This year everything was better than normal- we had Thanksgiving at our house after a few years of going to a friend of my mom's (I like them just fine, it's just more comfortable to stay home and it's nice to have leftovers), I got to invite a friend for the first time ever, and I had friends come over for dessert and we all went to the bars and had a nice evening. The trouble started when I got online to look at the Black Friday Ads, ended up reading something about Twilight in the news, and randomly came across a quote from a woman that heads a foodbank in Chicago about how there is such an increased need this year, particularly in a time when less people than ever are able to make a donation. It's not like it's news to me that this has been a hard year financially for almost everybody. It's been a struggle for me too. I don't know anybody who hasn't been touched by the economy- even my rich friends and their families have struggled huge losses in the stock market. I wasn't planning on shopping tomorrow- there isn't anything I particularly want/need/can afford anyways, but the idea of going out and splurging on myself or even buying others things they don't need is kind of gross when I consider how many people in my county didn't celebrate Thanksgiving at all because they couldn't afford to. So much of what I have I got because I am "lucky." I'm lucky to be alive because I live in a safe neighborhood. I'm lucky to be relatively healthy, and have easy access to healthcare for the medical problems I do have because my parents pay extra to keep me on their insurance. I was lucky to be born in a family that valued education, and became educated because that value was passed down to me. I'm lucky to have a good job A because of the way I look and the manners I learned from those around me, and to have good job B because a family decided to take a chance on a total beginner and teach me what I needed to know to be successful. So many of these things just play off of each other. My life would be so different if I didn't have all this help that made my success more and more likely to happen. I read a lot in the comments on the foodbank articles I looked up about how the needy are needy because they're lazy and stupid and have been taught to expect a handout. I just have to ask- would you be the same person if you were born into an unhealthy, poor, unstable family? Even if you had the same access to opportunity(which is a big, fat, HUGE if, by the way), would you have the right values to know how to take advantage of them? Probably not. Either way, right now there are a lot of people willing to work that can't find work, or that do work but still aren't paid enough to make ends meet, and each and every one of us that doesn't find ourselves in that position at least in part have luck to thank. We might also be hard-working and smart- but before we became those things, most of us were lucky. It's not such a bad thing to pass the luck onto someone else that could use it- if they can't maximize it, that is too bad, but if you just assume they can't and decide not to give on that basis alone...I don't know what type of person that makes you. Not the type of person I would feel proud or comfortable to be. I realize that nobody "needs" a big turkey or Thanksgiving dinner, it's possible to get by with less and I'm sure plenty of people did and had a fine time. But I really feel sad for the people who felt left out and/or forgotten, or like failures because they just couldn't provide. We are all so lucky to be able to celebrate things in our lives- it seems like such a given. There's never been a year that I even worried that I would not be able to celebrate a Holiday if I wanted to, or that I didn't have a celebration of some kind to look forward to. Maybe the reason I feel so acutely sad over this, rather than just sympathetic in general, is because I work in a place where a lot of hardworking but poor people frequent. The Boeing Machinists Union just had a huge strike, and a ton of people went without pay for over two months to try to secure better working conditions in the future. Just curious- but could you go for two months without pay? I know that I sure couldn't, and I'm sure that plenty of members in that union couldn't afford to either but had to as members of the Union. It's also not just about money. There are so many people who are lonely around the Holidays. The only time I've ever personally experienced this was on Easter two years ago. My family is not religious, we're all grown up, and at the time my mom earned time and half working on Holidays. I was away at school and since I already drove home every week anyways, it seemed silly to drive back for just that one day. I didn't think I would even really remember that it was Easter, or care that I wasn't doing anything. Then I woke up on Easter morning, my roommates were both away with their families or on spring break, and I was so wrong. Nobody was around (adding to the feeling that everyone was celebrating, except for me), all the stores were closed, so I couldn't buy anything or go anywhere for entertainment, and there wasn't even anybody online. I've never felt crappier than when I was sitting at home, eating a frozen burrito for Easter dinner. I felt like the loneliest, saddest, most forgotten person on Earth. And I was shocked to feel that way. Also, the older you get, the more important it seems to have that special someone in your life, and a good relationship with your family and/or their family around the holidays. I love my family, and I was especially happy to see and grateful for my friends this year, but it is still a deep sadness for me that T never got his act together. Sometimes it's hard to listen to other people's joyful New years eve plans, when I know I'll either be a). working, b). the "rent a date" of another single friend, or c). averting my eyes clutching a plastic cup pretending like it's not awkward watching my coupled off friends smooch their significant other's when the clock strikes 12. It's a weird feeling for me, because it is my choice to be single at the same time that it isn't my choice. I hate feeling lonely, and I knew deep down and have learned through experience that you still do if you're coupled up with the wrong person. But I don't have any control over when or if I'll meet the right person, and so until then I'll just have to wait. As much as I enjoy the Holidays personally, the awareness that they make other people feel sad and left out, or are an acute reminder of what they don't have (a loving family, that special someone in their life, money) takes away some of the joy, and really have me started thinking about what I can do for others this year. (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Tuesday, November 25th, 2008
11:25 pm	Shop 'til you drop! I would like to get a new desk. If I had an office, I would ideally get something like this desk here: I really like that it has a built in file cabinet, to help me organize my photos and paperwork, and a drawer to keep my office crap in. But, I just don't have enough space in my room for something like this (and I don't want to spend almost $500 on a desk). Because I don't have much space and don't want things to look cluttered (and really, I need a desk for my laptop and that's it), I would like to get something like this here. However, $90 seems like a lot to pay for what is essentially a ladder/shelf. Plus, I was hoping for at least one drawer to keep my office stuff where I don't have to look at it- pens, white out, cds, webcam, and that kind of junk. Does anyone know of any other similar product that might be a little cheaper? I like this one here too: It's pretty simple, which would help me avoid a cluttered look, but it does have a drawer for my crap. But again, I think it's overpriced. In general I'm looking for a nicelooking piece of furniture that is solid (I don't want glass, which would be all fingerprinted, or metal because it looks too industrial, or that cheap looking cardboard-style wood, which is what I have now) but not bulky. Some other random items I'm looking for is a round, preferably fluffy and comfortable rug to make my room look a little warmer and more inviting. Like <a href="http://www.bellacor.com/productdetail/221115.htm" target="_blank>this</a>, but I hate the color of that rug (plus I don't want the shag to be made out of leather). I absolutely love <a href="http://www.bellacor.com/productdetail/427319.htm" target="_blank>this pattern</a>, but I'm really set on a round rug. I'm also looking for a bright (really vivid) pink or orange comforter/bed set for a full bed too. Kind of a random list of items but it would be so cool if any of you could help me find them! (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Friday, November 21st, 2008
2:32 am	Sometimes it does work out after all Sometimes the nicest gift of all is the one that you aren't expecting. I really can't remember if I ever wrote about it in this journal or on Entertain-Me, but my senior year (a year and a half ago) I lived with three friends from my cheerleading team, M, A, and R. I was best friends with M, very close with A, and friendly/acquaintances with R. I was such good friends with M and A and enjoyed both of them so much that I never really realized how different they were, and that them living together wasn't going to work out. I expected a really great semester and it kind of went to hell in a hand-basket. A was at one extreme (partier, fun loving, spontaneous) and M was at the other (studious, loyal, judgmental). I fit right in the middle of them and felt torn a lot of the time. R and I never became friends, and it turned into R and A against M and I. I was very conflicted because I never wanted to chose a side, but by not choosing, I got lumped onto one. I felt more of M's concerns/petpeeves were valid than A's, but I wasn't really aware of how M treated A when I wasn't around (not nicely). And I felt very left out and hurt that R and A teamed up at least in part against me, although I wasn't one of the main parts of the conflict, which was really between M and A. At the end of the semester, A and R moved out, and the friendship has been nonexistent ever since. Last year a mutual friend visited from medical school and I set up a little reunion dinner for him. I sent her a short note over facebook to tell her about the dinner and that I hoped she would come, because our friend wanted her to and I would like to see her also. I wrote that I sensed some weird vibes between us but that I wasn't angry at her and that I hoped she wasn't angry at me. She never replied to the message, but she did come to the dinner and was polite. I figured that that was my answer- that she either was mad and didn't want to talk about it, or that she just didn't care or never valued our friendship the way I did. A sad realization because she's been as close to a little sister as I've ever had. I've been polite to her since but basically we just pretended we didn't see each other whenever we were around each other- careful not to make eye contact, don't speak to each other unless it's necessary, etc. So, tonight I went out to the bar hoping to either a). see a certain someone (sorry but it's true, I'm sure everyone can guess who I wanted to see) or b). have such a fun time that I wouldn't even be thinking about that someone. Also, a good friend from my grad program is having relationship troubles and I wanted to take her out and keep her mind off of it. So, the friend from my grad program and I are standing in line at the bar to order drinks when I confessed that A, an old roommate, was at the bar, which made me sad/uncomfortable because I still felt bad about the current state of affairs (especially since M, my most recent "exroommate" and I no longer get along...by the way this post is making me sound like I don't get along with most of my roommates and that isn't true- M and I lived together happily for over two years before we had issues, I got along with all my sorority sisters when I lived in, and with my 5 suitemates the year before that...just had to clarify). It was especially sad for me because I did feel I tried to repair things and it didn't work out. Long story short, I was sitting in the corner with my grad school friend when A comes up to me looking very nervous but also very hopeful and gave me a huge hug. When I hugged her back she started to tell me how much she had missed me. You could have knocked me over with a feather. I've seen her at least 10 times in the past week where she acted like I didn't exist, and at least 20-30 times the year before that. After all this time, I had no reason to expect a change of heart or that her feelings might not match her attitude. We went to a more private place in the bar to talk and she told me that she was sorry for what happened that semester, and that she realized her issues were with M and not with me, but that things happened how they did because she felt like I took M's side against her. We kind of clarified some things but mostly talked about how much we missed each other, and how much we'd like to hang out again sometime soon. It was really nice. Random aside, she told me that she did respond to my letter on facebook. I'm not sure that I believe that, she may have thought she did but never sent, or just wasn't ready to at the time, but I accept her apology and her desire to be friendly/friends again NOW. It doesn't so much matter to me if she wasn't ready to receive the letter at the time that I sent it. Anyways... I'm so grateful that she had the balls to come up and tell me that she was sorry and that she missed me. I'm sure that was really hard to do, and despite the letter I sent her that she didn't know if I would respond in a nice way or blow her off. She mentioned that she felt very hurt last week at dance rehearsal when we both ended up in the bathroom together and mutually ignored each other. It sounds dumb, but I always felt that she was snubbing ME when really it went both ways and felt the same to her. I guess I never realized that I was not acting the way that I wanted things to be, or in accordance with what I said in my letter, or in a way that I should expect any positive change. I know that this was because I felt that she rejected me, but it's kind of funny that she didn't know that. Not letting people or my own insecure feelings determine my actions is something that I'm going to have to keep in mind and work on in the future. Another thing I'm going to have to remember is that not everyone is on my timetable. Just because I can't resolve something HERE TODAY AT THIS MINUTE doesn't mean it won't ever be resolved. I can let people know when I'm ready (or vice versa), and then my choice is to wait until they're ready or let it go. I feel like in college my major conflicts have been with these three people, who also happen to have been three of the closest people to me at different points in time- M, T, and A. It feels so nice to stop carrying part of that weight-some of which I didn't even realize was there. I wonder how it would feel if all of those situations could be resolved, how much extra energy I'd have, and where my focus would go. I've been thinking a lot lately about doing my part to resolve things with M. I haven't because I've tried before, because I realize that conflict aside, the friendship has some major challenges that it might not survive, and because I'm afraid to. M has a bad conflict with another good friend- J, and it would complicate my friendship with J, who I value more, if I were to rekindle my friendship with M. The benefit of doing so is that this situation still weighs on me so much. As much as I would like for it to be totally in the past, it comes up for me a lot. The same cold, angry front I saw from A I see from M too, and now I see it for what it is- a front for hurt feelings rather than anger. I know that I put up the same front, and keeping up that wall is exhausting and a lot of work. T is not someone I feel like I can talk to and resolve things with, mostly because he is so unaware of the weird mix of feelings I have concerning him (a strange swirl of anger, resentment, regret, deep affection, love (not "in love with" but the same positive regard and protective feelings I have for close friends and family), chemistry, etc...a lot of polarities). Most of those feelings I try to shove under the rug. I'm not sure if I can deal with the full extent of them and I know for sure that he can't and doesn't want to try. That resolution is probably going to be something I achieve with a counselor or as part of my group therapy class next semester, or something that I eventually work out with myself. I admire A for approaching me, because as much as I felt the same way (also sorry, for my part in the initial conflict, I sure wasn't going to try to approach her. I'm not sure where things are going to go from here, but definitely some good news that I wanted to share with everybody, considering I so often ask you all for advice and support when things are NOT going well. (5 Comments |Comment on this)
Tuesday, November 18th, 2008
11:35 pm	Hit and a miss A friend of mine, W, and I kind of fell out of touch within the past six months. She graduated a year before me, but we still saw each other or texted every week or two, until last April. At the time, I attributed this to her meeting a guy and me getting busy with other friends and activities, and having a crazy busy summer. However, when she came to my April dance recital I noticed that something seemed off- she was talking really fast, and the 95% of the conversation centered on the guy she had just met. She is also friends with my ex-roommate that I don't get along with, but seemed to make an effort to stay neutral in that situation. Other friends told me she was having a hard time with the estrangement between myself and the roomie, but she and I have never discussed the situation. I don't know if she and my roommate have discussed it between them. Before I left for my recital, I invited everyone present (my friend, my ex-roommate, and my ex-roommate's mother) out to dinner with my family and our assorted group of friends after the show, and all three of them averted my gaze and didn't give me an answer, which I felt was very rude but just something that happens when there's a rift between friends. My opinion was that since we have a lot of mutual friends and have always gone out all together after the show, we might as well this time and just be polite to each other, so that we'd both get to be with our friends. My friend and her mother apparently didn't agree and had already invited W out to dinner, so the three of them went to dinner and the rest of our group of friends went with me and my parents (to separate places). The next time I saw W was when our friends graduated a month later. She apparently came to the ceremony and sat with my ex-roommate's mother. We saw her briefly afterwards and exchanged greetings and hugs and stuff, and then she, my ex-roommate, and my ex-roommate's parents and boyfriend went to dinner, and I went to a few graduation parties for some other friends. I was supposed to see her at my birthday party a week after that, but her grandparent died suddenly a day or two before the party so she had to fly to her home state for the funeral. She sent a really nice gift to the party, and I called her to thank her the next day, and have barely talked to her or seen her since. We tried a few times in June to get together but it never worked out- half her fault and half mine. I've sporatically invited her to about 5-10 events since then, and either she doesn't respond or is busy looking for houses, working, moving, with the guy she met, etc. It's a bummer that I haven't seen her, but I believed her that she really is just busy, as am I. Also it's not just my invitations she's declined- she also failed to make it to another friend's Halloween party and our sorority's recent charity event. However, I thought it strange that she hadn't made a single effort to get together since June. This brings me to my dance recital from this past weekend. I invited her to the recital on evite, and was hurt that she didn't respond to my invitation, even to say no. I was even more hurt (and surprised) when she showed up to my recital on Saturday night. She came with one of her roommates and my former roommate. After the show the dancers come out so they can talk to the audience and get their flowers and stuff, and she acted like she didn't know I was there. I don't believe that she didn't- I sent her an invitation to the show, my name was in the program, and she saw me dance onstage (I was right in the front of my routine, would have been hard not to see me). I gave her a big hug and thanked her for coming and she seemed really distracted and almost acted like I was someone she barely knew or didn't really care about seeing. My reason for typing this up is because I'm sad about this and would like to try to make some sort of amends (awkward because I don't know what I'm making amends for?). I decided the best way would be to send her an email and let her know how I feel, but I don't know exactly what to say. I was hoping you guys would edit this for me and give me any advice you might have- Hi W, I was really glad to see you at RDG this weekend, but I felt like something was awkward. It hurt my feelings that you didn't respond to the evite I sent you, and it felt like you blew me off after the show. I've always valued our friendship and I'm worried that I may have done something to hurt your feelings or make you angry. I miss hanging out and talking with you. I know that we're both busy, but I would definitely be willing to meet you for lunch by your work or meet up with yousomewhere so we could catch up. Hope you're doing well, K ------- Is there anything I should add to that? Or take out? I can't think of anything I've done to hurt her or make her angry (maybe she felt blown off by me back in June or over the summer? That's all I can think of), and what I hope to get out of this is to reestablish our friendship. I wanted to keep it as simple as possible, and leave it open-ended so that she can respond (hopefully) honestly. I'm kind of afraid to completely lay my cards on the table- but if I do get blown off again I feel like that will be my answer. (9 Comments |Comment on this)
Tuesday, November 11th, 2008
1:07 am	Rehearsal This is the final week of preparations for my upcoming dance show! We did the dance facing the wall at practice last night and it went pretty okay. I think I feel pretty comfortable doing it in the show. My costume is all ready and set to go. I'm wearing black fishnets and wrist-guards, black booty shorts, a turquoise tank top, and a silver sequin belt. I love the costume, I think it's my favorite RDG costume so far (even though I picked the costumes for my last performances!). For hair we're doing middle ponytails, which should be okay. ThE only things I'm not so thrilled with is that my choreographer told me I have to slick back my bangs, which is so not a good look for me. A few close friends and some of my new grad school friends (and of course my family) are coming to the show so that is really nice. The only real con to being in the school dance show is that I will have to spend every evening this week in rehearsal. If I were actually dancing all that time it wouldn't be so bad, but a good deal of the time is spent either watching, sitting around, doing homework in the dark, etc. Aka not my first choice of things to do. Since I have a pretty bad cold right now it could be especially painful. Also I'm going to be spending Tuesday-Sunday at my house in Tacoma, which I'm not excited about just because I never bothered to set it up nicely and I don't have any of the fun amenities I have at my parents. I have a feeling I'll be pretty bored, which is frustrating because I have so many things I haven't been able to get to at home! Maybe I'll at least be able to accomplish some chores, like cleaning my car out finally. I also have some projects for school that I should work on. So it's not that I don't have anything to do, it's just not necessarily fun stuff. The type of stuff you're only happy you did AFTERWARDS. The only other "major" (I put that in quotes because really it's kind of dumb, but I really valued the support and comments I received from you all regarding this way back when, and figure you deserve the latest news) thing going on is that T, my ex that some of you probably remember, and I have been hanging out. I really enjoy spending time with him, which is too bad because I don't think he feels the same way about spending time with me. At least, it doesn't seem like it. He has been calling like, once a week, usually late at night, and we usually drink and hang out for a couple hours, and then I go home. I don't think he gives me a second thought the rest of the week, cause he certainly doesn't call or text or anything. So. not the best thing for me. Besides that I've been feeling stressed about being behind. I haven't started on my Christmas shopping yet, I've done very little on my school projects, I haven't been paid for October yet, I need to do laundry, everything around me is dirty and grimy. I really hate cleaning and have a really hard time organizing my stuff, and maintaining the organization. Which is too bad, because I really would benefit from being a little cleaner and more organized. However, on the plus side, since I felt like I was too sick to really take care of any of those nasty chores properly, I got in a little scrapbooking on Sunday, which was really fun. First time I've scrapped in months! Current Mood: sick (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Thursday, November 6th, 2008
2:41 pm	Day late and a dollar short- my political manifesto I used to really enjoy politics in elementary school and high school, but the older I get the grayer the issues become, and the more I try to avoid them. I successfully avoided news coverage this year and thought, aside from my own personal research on candidates and issues, thought I avoided all the nasty arguments and debates. But I seem to have been sucked in at the last minute, when most of you are beyond tired of it all (but will do my best to keep things from being nasty here!). An issue many seemed to struggle with is whether you should vote for what's best for yourself, or what's best for others. I immediately run into problems here because I realize that, at some point, what affects others is going to eventually trickle down to me. And also, because I cannot claim to know what is best for everybody. I can theorize in accordance with my own personal values, but since not everyone's values are the same, I have no hope of knowing what other people perceive to be best for them. And so, since the beauty of our system is that each person gets 1 vote, I decided that I would vote in my own best interests, while trying not to hurt any other person to a great extent. There are a number of issues that are important to me- mainly the economy, certain rights, and stem-cell research. Personally, I support stem-cell research because I know how it feels to be sick. I don't mind avoiding dairy products and can live with it, but I do mind that every time someone is careless with my food (or doesn't know any better), I get horrifically sick to the point where I have almost died. I would love to be able to live without this fear. And I feel for others who are sick with other diseases, and understand how beneficial it would be for them to be cured. I also know, and it frightens me, how easy is it NOT to care until you personally are affected. And so, while at this point in time allergies and stem-cell research are unrelated, I support it because I think it would be good for many others, and hope that it would eventually benefit me. I know that there are those whose religious beliefs don't allow them to support stem-cell research, and I understand that and believe they are entitled to their [ONE] vote. However, I wonder..will their opinions change if they are ever unfortunate enough to benefit from stem-cell research? The day their mother is diagnosed with Parkinsons, or gets bucked from a horse..And if they are out-voted and stem-cell research finds cures to certain diseases and injuries, if they should need the cure will they take it even though their religious beliefs tell them it is wrong? Very hard choice there. As for abortion, I have two things to say. I am very glad to have the choice, but hope with all my being it is one that I never have to make. I make sure to live my life in such a way that it's not been an issue for me. However, for others it is an issue. I understand that some people believe that at the moment of conception, a life is made, and I don't care to debate on that issue- believe whatever your heart tells you to. But regardless of your belief on that point, I don't think anyone will be well-served to deny an abortion to someone that wants one via laws and enforcement. I don't believe that simply outlawing abortion will prevent it- rather desperate people will take desperate means and be denied the regulation and services that they will need. And pretending for a moment that outlawing abortion DID prevent it entirely- I don't believe it will be good for the country as a whole, the unwilling expectant parents, or the child itself to be brought into the world if the mother does not want to carry the child. Simply outlawing abortion does not ensure that the parents can/will be forced/want to change their environment to be good for a child, or that they will be able to find a good adoptive family, or that they will take good care of their health (mentally, emotionally, and physically) during the pregnancy. So for those reasons, regardless of a person's belief about whether or not abortion is a good or a bad thing, I do not support taking away other another person's choice. Another matter of "right" that I would like to address is gay marriage. I believe that people ARE gay, they don't choose to be gay. Being gay, in our country, can be so hard and disenfranchising, that I think that if people could chose who they are attracted to, they would choose to be straight. That said, I don't believe there is anything wrong with being gay aside from the stigma, which is not inherent in being gay but something other people have attached to it. Because of MY two beliefs- that people ARE gay and it isn't morally deviant- I support gay marriage. I can see why people that don't share my beliefs do not, and why they voted down certain propositions in CA and FL, as well as 30 other states at one time or another. Because so many people see sexuality and especially homosexuality as an area rife with moral deviance, and so closely tied to many people's strong religious beliefs (Personally, I know a lot of people who believe being gay is wrong only because they think God wrote that it is in the bible), I think gay marriage is going to be a long time coming. I don't think that many of you will agree with me here, because there seem to be two absolutely polarized sides that support gay marriage 100% or oppose it entirely, but considering the reality of that polarization I would like to enact legislature that would provide gay couples with the same rights that make marriage attractive to straight couples. Regardless of what you call it, or whether it's fair, or out of line with the constitution and amendments to be separate but equal, lets find a compromise that doesn't force people to eschew their religious beliefs, or for others to go without practical rights that have little to nothing to do with religion or moral deviance- i.e. community property, not to be forced to testify against each other in court, the ability to make medical decisions for the other, to be considered family during medical emergencies, to be able to inherit from each other easily, to share equal rights to children, etc. Because the thing is- whether people receive these rights or not- they are going to be gay anyways. And whether or not your religious beliefs FOR YOURSELF support the extension of these rights or believe gays to be morally deviant, other religious beliefs aren't imposed on others the same way they are here- other rights are granted to different kind of "sinners." We allow certain rights-and certainly those rights relating to marriage that I listed above- to criminals, to those that have children out of wedlock, to the nonbelievers, and to those that believe in different religions. Why have people given up trying to enforce their beliefs on other types they see as sinners, but have held out trying to stick it to this one particular group? And why do our laws continue to allow for that? I don't understand why these propositions are constitutional and will have to do more research. My feelings on the economy I saved for last because they are, for me, the most confusing. I don't identify as either privileged or disenfranchised- not totally. I know many people who have it far worse than me, and many who have it far better. I am smack dab in the middle. So, as an educated person with plenty of opportunities, it is tempting to say that I don't want to be taxed to provide services for others, especially when I am suffering financially myself. I would rather make the CHOICE to give when I personally can, rather than be forced to when I'm not quite making it myself. Being the person that I am, I would and do chose to give. I want to try to reintegrate the disenfranchised, and to help those who are down on their luck. I don't want children not to have a real chance at the American dream because their parents are addled or incompetent, or never had a chance themselves. I believe that integrating people makes the world a better place for all of us, even if I personally have less resources as a result. However, I know that there are plenty of people who would not choose to give, regardless of their ability to do so, and that scares me. Life isn't fair, but I don't endorse a system that allows people benefit from their own opportunities (a good upbringing, wealth, education, connections, good health) without extending a hand to others. However, as a relative "beginner" in the working world saddled with student loan debt- I say bring on the taxation of the rich and government services. I am educated, working my ass off, giving back to society, and still not quite making it. I would like to see the full-time, educated worker afford food and shelter, utilities, and health-care, with opportunities for those who are not educated to get an education. I'm not advocating that we tax the hell out of those who work so we can hand these services to people for nothing, but I would like to see all children have access to medical care. I would like to see every adult that works full-time have access to a decent national health plan and educational resources. I think that this is more important than the opportunity for the few elite to become even more so, regardless of how how they are working. Chances are, despite the taxation, these people will still enjoy riches and privilege because of their knowledge and hard work. I don't believe that offering certain services to the poor or middle class is going to be horrible for the wealthy. Also, I am tired of hearing that the Horatio Alger/P Diddy/Oprah story should apply to everyone, and if you are poor or disenfranchised it's because you're lazy or dumb. That just plain isn't true, and in my opinion it's a myth that is spread by those who are fortunate enough to have always benefited from the initial status they were born into. Hard work is not always rewarded, and not every hard worker can make it all the time. Also, why this belief that we're limited to these two choices? That we either tax the hell out of the rich and offer every kind of service for free to those in need (including people who are indeed, lazy and stupid and undeserving of such help), or we take away government-assistance programs? Why is there no middle ground? Are there any services people can agree to offer, or any group of people we should offer them to, or for any agreed time period? My views may sound overly idealistic- that any full-time worker deserves/needs certain services, and you may disagree (and I 100% your ability to vote differently, or to teach me something I don't know because I am surely not a political expert), and they might not even be possible. I might not be the person to express them most clearly, or strategize the best theory for how to accomplish my goals- so I will say it again in the most clear way I can manage- I desire a candidate, a party, and a system that would provide REASONABLE ACCESS for people to meet their needs. I do not advocate overly-taxing the rich to provide hand-outs, but I see a number of social services as necessary because of the realities of the world. But all that I am really looking for is a system that provides a way for more people to meet their needs for food, shelter, medical care, and educational opportunities, while still allowing others to profit from their own hard work and opportunities. Hopefully that is a sentiment that most of you all can agree on. These are just my thoughts, and explanations of why I voted the way I did. I encourage people to voice their own thoughts in any way they feel best serves them. I did my best not to attack specific people, parties, or voting choices, and would appreciate it if people did not do that in my comments either. (7 Comments |Comment on this)