Kristie's CosmoPolitics

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This is going to be hard.
I suppose I am doing okay. I am cycling through being angry at John for what he did/how he acted, relieved because I don't think we would have worked out long term and some of his issues were pretty tiring, and then also pretty numb and sad because ending this relationship kind of closed the door on a lot of things I was hoping for in the future.

I've never had a really serious boyfriend like that. Someone who wanted to have a future with me. It is pretty hard to just let go of it. Since I never had that before, my "life plans" for myself didn't really include a partner or a family, but I started to think more about moving in that direction and it sucks just to be shot back to square one. Not as much as it would suck to be married to a guy with anger, addiction, and insecurity issues, but it still sucks even when it is "for the best."

I've been trying to cope with it in productive ways that haven't cost me any money- using art supplies I already have, going to the gym everyday and getting in a good workout so I'm tired enough to fall asleep at night, painting my nails and dressing up a little bit. Mostly I feel okay but then there are some moments where I feel like I'm just barely holding back the tears.

I deleted him and his family off of facebook, deleted all their phone numbers out of my phone, stuck all of his stuff into a box into my storage- if he asks me for it within six months he can have it all back or it'll go to the Goodwill (I doubt he'll ask for anything back- they're all mostly little gifts he got for me while we were dating that he couldn't return or that I doubt he would want). Some stuff I don't know what to do with though- we got portraits taken over the summer, I don't want to throw them away because it was a part of my life...but I certainl don't want to look at them either. We haven't talked since last Monday afternoon when I broke up with him, but he texted me on Wednesday before he left for Korea (and right after I found out he had taken out some other girl he met when he was still with me and then tried to rub that fact in my face via facebook) but I just did not want to talk to him. It will not be possible for us to be friends and I would not take him back so there is no point in keeping any ties between us or keeping any reminders around.

This is going to be hard.

Go away Veteran's Day!
Can I just say that it sucks to break up with your green beret boyfriend on Monday and have Veteran's Day be Wednesday? Everywhere store I go to is having Veteran's Day sales, every website is urging me to think about and thank a Vet...and I just don't want to think about it!

Cell phone advice?
Just wondering if anyone out there can give me some cellphone advice.

Right now I have a plan with AT&T that is old and grandfathered in. I get $1000 minutes for $40, and unlimited texts for $20 per month. I don't use internet or camera on my phone, but I do like sending picture messages, which AT&T counts as a text message, so I don't pay extra for those. Altogether my bill ends up being around $77 a month when I don't go over my minutes. Unfortunately, I use my phone quite a bit and so I have been either going over my minutes or not being able to make calls when I'd like/need to. I went to AT&T to try and upgrade my plan, but unfortunately the plans they're offering now are so expensive for so few minutes that the only option to get more minutes costs $100 per month, which is more than I want to spend on a phone.

Verizon offers good service in my area but is the most expensive provider.

Tmobile also offers good service in my area and has a terrific promotion going on now- $59.99 a month for UNLIMITED minutes and texts. They aren't even requiring a yearly contract (Although you have to get a two year contract for a decently priced phone). My only hesitation on switching is that I know Tmobile had a service outage the other day for a few hours (like 3) and I'm wondering if it was a one time problem or a frequent problem.

So, would anybody recommend Tmobile? Or are there reasons you wouldn't?

Pretty Darn Wicked
I hate to admit it, but I think I may have outgrown "skanky" Halloween. Maybe not, but either way I was just too busy this year (between my two jobs and my internship) to really celebrate it the way I have in the past. However, I still made it to my friends' Heidi and Rob's annual Halloween party and had a great time (I always do at their parties!). Here I am in my Queen Bee costume with Channing (a vampire) and Heidi (a belly dancer):

John took an early flight home from his class in North Carolina and got to the party by midnight. He brought me two wonderful surprises- a pair of earrings and a Brighton North Carolina charm for my collection- I am obsessed! He was my date for the party, so I made him a beekeeper shirt to go with my costume:

I'll try to upload a better picture of it later, but for now that's all I have. On the back I put embroidered buzzing bee's and wrote "Hunny for Sale," people got a kick out of it and it was an easy "costume" for him to put on fresh off the plane.

That party was on Friday night. On Halloween night I went to work at a club downtown as a go-go dancer, the dancer's that dance on the big blocks or onstage at the club. I'd always wanted to try it but wow, it was harder than I expected to really dance for 30-45 straight minutes under the hot lights- it must have been 90 degrees that night! I had bought a cute witch costume to wear to a party that night, but the club requested I dress as a vampire so I'm going to save the witch costume for next year.

The day after Halloween I went by the mall and found another costume I had originally considered this year before going with the bee costume. They only had one left and it was marked down to 75% off and was my size so I snagged it! I can't wait to wear it next year for Halloween or to Mardi Gras.

After Mountains, there are Mountains
My internship finally started and I love it! The jobs I have been assigned so far have been interesting, I have been included in all the meetings I have been present for (and was specifically asked for my opinions), and I like the other workers and the residents (for those that don't know I'm interning in a residential mental health treatment facility for adolescents). I also have received some really positive feedback from my supervisor(s) and found that working there fits in my schedule pretty well.

Work is also going well. I have a ton of events scheduled for November, it will be nice to make some "extra" money. As of right now I am pretty broke- meaning I'm up to date with my bills, but don't have too much extra. This is stressful because I would like to be saving for some bigger "life" items I'll need and want in the future- car repairs, a place to live, stuff to put in that place, new clothes. Overall it's a lot nicer position to be in than last fall was, when I was constantly pretty stressed about my hours and if I would make enough/receive my check in time to pay my bills. But still, I would really like to be making more money. I make a very generous wage for my time, but there are not enough hours in promotions to really get ahead. And I have less bills than the average 25 year old, because I'm living with my parents. My internship would (eventually) like to hire me as a part-time employee so I can be paid for the hours I spend there- only $11 an hour, but better than nothing. I still nanny 7 hours a week as well.

I guess I have two goals, neither of which I am totally sure how to work towards- being accepted to Seattle University's law school next summer/fall, or getting a full-time job that pays $16+ an hour.

John has been working his ass off on his "issues." I spent part of the week at his place when I started my internship (convenient because it's 15 minutes away and my house is an hour plus the morning rush hour commute time) and ended up getting really sick while I was there and he took great care of me. It is really a huge gift to have people that are not scared by my illness (severe allergies) and are able to be accomodating of it. I am still not sure if things are going to work out there but I enjoyed spending time with him and appreciated his caring and support. Still my fear is that right now he is just on his best behavior, but we'll see. He left on Saturday for a school in North Carolina and gets back on Halloween morning. Then he's home for two weeks and then goes to Korea for a month. We'll see.

Otherwise I have been laying low because of my on again, off again cold/sinusitis. I really need to figure out how to keep myself healthy more consistently because feeling shitty all the time has been, well, shitty. And expensive- I've needed like 5 perscriptions and two doctor visits ($30 a pop). Getting sick is nowhere near as fun as it is when I was a kid!

I did however go on a fun outing with friends. Every year we meet for drinks and go tour something "haunted." This year we went back to our old favorite, Marin farms, and found they had revamped the place. It was great! We scared ourselves silly. Here we are after we finished touring the Haunted Woods:

Positives: Went on a fun outing with friends and had a really great time, a good college friend visited, watched a fun movie with my mom (Norma Rae), lost more weight, found out a S/M leg avenue costume was too large for me.

Negatives: Still don't have a costume for the second Halloween party I was going to, my dr visit's and socializing ate up the money I was hoping to put into savings/spend on a new blouse, I haven't made any more progress on my room progress, and a jar of pickles spilled in my car and now my car kind of stinks.

Review of Summer 2009
Although it had been in the back of my mind, I forgot to do the summer review I stole from Ronni two years ago (and have done every year since)! Regardless of it being October (!) here it is:

SO FAR THIS SUMMER...(AUGUST09) 1. Have you had more than 5 different
boyfriends/girlfriends? No, I dated the same guy all summer.

2. Have you had your birthday? YES! I turned 25 and a local nightclub offered to throw me a party. They had a taco bar and VIP booth set aside for us and it was so much fun! However, my best friend and boyfriend both had way too much to drink and got into a fight that has lingered over to this day.

3. Been to church? No. And I won't go. I haven't been to church in years.
I'm just not a very spiritual person. I try to focus my energies on THIS
life, as bizarre as that might sound to some of you. [Ditto for the third year in a row]

4. Cried yet? I honestly can't remember a time I cried during the summer.

5. Been to the movies yet? I saw G*Force in the theater during our heatwave (highest temperature on record for Seattle!) with Sweet Chloe, a couple movies with my boyfriend, and then saw The Proposal with my co-worker Elsie, which I really enjoyed. Besides that I've rented a bunch of on-demand movies with my mom because they're cheap and convenient.

6. Stayed up all night? Yes, hanging out with my boyfriend. Bad habit!

7. Drank Starbucks? Yes, at the airport. I need my morning tea and if I'm not home I'll buy one- just regular Liptons with two splendas, or earl grey if the place doesn't have liptons.

8. Gone shopping? I bought some new clothes this summer, bought paint for my bedroom walls, and bought a few works of art at the art fair again this year to hang on my newly-painted walls.

9. Been camping? I got invited but I had to work. Probably for the best because camping is so not my thing.

10. Been to the beach? Yes, with Chloe! But not as much as I expected to.

11. Bought something for over $200? Yes, I bought a painting at the arts and crafts fair, an original painted work by the artist whose print I bought last year.

12. Met someone new? Elsie and Glenn, my coworkers, John, my boyfriend, and then Ryan, the little girl my friend Stephanie is baby-sitting that does play dates with Chloe and I.

13. Been out of state? Did I ever! This was the year of the vacation for me. During the summer I went to San Francisco in June for a friends 21 run, and then flew to Salt Lake City to visit a sorority sister and met up with another friend. From Salt Lake City we drove through Wyoming, Colorado (Spent the night in a tiny town there), Kansas, Oklahoma (stopped in Tulsa), Texas (spent the night there in Paris, Texas which is not at all like it's french namesake), and Louisiana, where I stayed by myself in a posh hotel in the french quarter. And I went to Rhode Island in September (although I guess that doesn't count as summer it came at the tail end of my summer vacation so I'll include it).

14. Gone snowboarding? No.

15. Kissed someone? Yes.

16. Slept in someone elses bed? Actually yes, for the first year since I started taking this survey.

17. Snuck someone over? No. Luckily by the time you hit 23 you can pretty
much hang out with whomever you choose. [third year in a row, although now I am 25]

18. Snuck out ? No. See the above answer. [ditto, again AGAIN]

19. Been to a bar? Actually not too many- Cans in Tacoma, The Swiss in Tacoma twice (Erin's birthday and to watch a friend's band), the club for my birthday, and Pesos in Queen Anne a few times.

20. Lied? Not that I can think of.

21. Got in a car? I practically live out of my car.

22. Been called a tease? Not once!

23.Loved anyone? My family, boyfriend, friends, and of course sweet darling
Chloe.

24. Done something you regret? Nope!

---these all happened in the fall--
25. Last Person you hugged? John

26. Last Person to call you? John

27. Last time you took a bath? I showered yesterday

28. When was the last time you felt stupid? Probably a few minutes ago. (second year in a row- this is not good!)

29. Who was the last person who saw you cry? John

30. Who was the last person who made you cry? John

31. Who was the last person you danced with? Chloe

32. What did you do today? Honestly not much...some laundry, errands, had lunch with Crystal and Marty, went to see I Hope they Serve Beer in Hell with my brother, wasted a lot of time online.

Again, I would love it if people wanted to copy and paste the survey in my comments and fill it out themselves!

Break it all
Thanks to the anonymous friend that bought me a paid livejournal account again! Anyone want to fess up to that? ;) Either way, thank you thank you! I am psyched to post some pictures of my room renovation.

Besides that nice surprise little gift, life is just moving......slow. My internship still hasn't started (or given me a start date) but the director officially approved my internship and my supervisor called me and said she hopes to have a start date for me soon, my paperwork is over at HR. So that is good, but I would still like to be started already!

John and I broke up. It's been one of the weirdest break-ups I've ever had, so far. I was trying to hang in there but we went out for his birthday and just had a terrible night. I feel so bad- he is a good guy, and I do like him, but we are not right for each other. Still, he's the closest I have come to the "right" guy for me, so giving him up is hard. But ultimately I don't think it'll work out between us and so I think/know ending it was the right thing to do. It's still been lonely and hard, more so I think for him than for me, but I have been thinking of it often. We are trying to remain friends but its so hard. We were talking last night because he asked me if I were still intending to let him borrow one of my old cameras and lap tops (which I am) and he was talking about missing me and it was so hard to respond carefully- I miss him also and don't want him to think I bounced him out like nothing, but I don't want to give him hope that we will get back together while still wishing that we could. Then today two people from his work were killed in the Philiphines and he texted me about that because he was really upset.

That was also hard for me because it is part of the reason we broke up. In his line of work a lot of people die. And every time someone he knows dies, he loses his shit. I can deal with his line of work, and the fact that it is dangerous, and I try to be sympathetic...but I just can't handle the temper tantrums he has when someone he knows dies. To me it indicates he is in the wrong line of work although he is good at his job. Anyways, I told him I was sorry and offered to see a movie with him to get his mind off of it. He told me he was on call at work so he probably couldn't, but then later said he was going to a buddy's house. Somehow this line of conversation led to him telling me that "a few girls were asking him to hang out" but that he wasn't interested.

Now, I know that I broke up with him, he totally has the right to go out with girls if he wants to...but does he have to tell me about it???? I know he was probably just wanting me to know that other people think he is attractive, but man hearing that made me want to punch a window or break something. I am not running around telling people about the break-up, I haven't been trying to meet or hang out with anyone else. Doesn't mean he shouldn't but it will be seriously hard to be his friend if he continues wanting to tell me stuff like this. And before anyone tells me you can't really be friends with an ex, let me clarify that I have been trying to keep things light- all of this was back and forth via text message. UGH. Oh well. He goes to Korea for 10 days for work this Friday so we will at least get some time and space from each other.

I was on facebook today and was struck by the amount of wedding, pregnancy, baby, and kid stuff is on my feed now. It's weird that as one half of a committed relationship I was moving towards some of that stuff and was kind of freaked out about it and now, as a single person, I feel totally alienated from it already and a little bit sad about that. Lots of my friends are single like me, but my focus isn't on them. My focus is on the people that have what I don't- kind of ironic considering some of the reason this relationship ended is because I really don't know how to be part of a "we" without giving up too much, I feel, on me. I don't want to give up my friends or seeing them to the extent that I do, I don't want to make financial decisions as part of a team. It's hard for me to ex[;ain- part of me is mourning the loss of those dreams at the same time that I'm afraid of them.

Overall though, a lot of this is positive. I finally moved from jerks that are afraid to commit (T, who messages me every once and awhile of his own accord now that I no longer care for or have time for him) to guys that are interested in me as a person. I didn't find the right fit my first try but I'm getting closer, so that is more encouraging than discouraging.

August Review
Wanted to make at least one August update but I am too darn late by 39 minutes, boo! Well, we'll just have to pretend.

Even though I haven't been updating I have been making progress in my life.

My room, albeit painted, is still a disaster because I just have so much darn STUFF. It's all about the STUFF with me. I have a really hard time allowing myself to get rid of anything if 1). it might have value, 2). it's in good condition (even if I just don't like it or use it), 3). it was expensive when I bought it 4). I've loved owning it (but it's now past it's prime), or 4). I can/should use it (like the free samples of Mary Kay mud masks I was given oh, five years ago). It's kind of ridiculous. However, I have been watching this new show called Hoarders on A&E that has been motivating- seeing the depths people sink to somehow is helping me get rid of stuff before I get to that stage. Last week while watching the show I donated 11 items to charity and threw away countless others (why was I keeping things that eventually I deemed not even fit for charity for myself?!), and this week I donated 11 more. Although the progress has been slow it's also been steady, and if I keep getting rid of 11 things every week eventually there will be less clutter without too much discomfort for me. Additional progress this week included hanging six paintings/pictures on the walls in my room and finally getting to that eight loads of laundry that built up before, during, and after my epic road trip. I need to continue to get rid of things and then when the junk is out of the way, do a deep cleaning. As a reward after that I'm going to buy some blinds.

In particular, my scrapbooking supplies are taking over my space. I buy so many it's just ridiculous- I've spent over 500 dollars on scrapbooking things in the last month and not made any new pages. When I see new good things that are perfect for my pictures or that motivate me to envision a great future project, I just can't help purchasing. But then, my supplies are such a mess that I'm unable to scrapbook. Total cache 22. I need all these things to make great projects, but have such a mess I can't make anything or find anything. So today I went and bought 10 plastic 15in by 15in bags and went to work separating my recent purchases into specific projects or themes- like I took a bunch of pictures of C picking blueberries that came out gorgeous and bought a few items for those photos that I put in a bag together. I have a bunch of baseball pictures to scrapbook too so I put all the baseball-related items in a bag too. Now, next time I have the energy to scrapbook I'll be able to grab one of those bags and sit down to a manageable project without wasting my time/energy hunting things down. When I finish, I can reuse the bag for another project. Another benefit was that I had shopping bags all over my room and now all my organized projects fit on one of my shelves and I am not going to trip over anything or accidentally ruin any supplies.

On the internship front I have completed my FAFSA, registered for class, polished up my resume, put together a list of references, applied at 5 different internship sites and gone to two interviews and am waiting to hear back. I anticipate scheduling a third interview this week. The whole process has been very stressful- it's hard to find internships in my field, which is counseling. Most of the mental health facilities in the area do not have internship programs, and none of the solo practitioner's have responded to me. Guess I'll just have to wait and see.

All in all my progress has been slow but that is a given considering I'm working six days a week, with one day being a double shift. Only so much time in a day!

July News in Review!
I miss having a paid livejournal account! I was just about to post some of the "before" pics of my bedroom when I realized I couldn't. I also forgot the login information for my own website so I can't upload them there either- darn! Hopefully I figure it out by the time that the "after" photos are finished. It's already been almost a month since we painted! The paint job looks great and the one piece of art I have hanging does too, but I have several more things to hang and then I need a new piece of furniture.

I'm trying to decide whether I'd get more use out of a new dresser (I have a lot of clothes, shut it. I need them all) or whether I should have my boyfriend build something special to house all of my scrapbooking equipment....pretty touch decision as I only have room for one thing and I have a ton of clothes and a ton of scrapbooking products! Although, my mom did say I could get an armoire or a clothing rack and put it in the garage to store things....which would be a pretty good solution except that a mouse/rat ate the face off my American girl doll that was stored in the garage a few years ago and I've been worried about storing things there ever since.

Not too much is new in my life. Working like crazy- having a ton of fun playdates with Chloe and my other nanny friends and their little charges. Have been tutoring Chloe on her math in the mornings, which is kind of funny because math is so not my strong suite, but she has been really improving so I feel great about that. I've been getting the teenie beanie babies at McDonalds as rewards for her- so far I've gotten her the chihuahua dog (Pico), the guinea pig/hamster (Puffball), the giraffe (whose name I forget), and the Gorilla (whose name I don't know because I haven't opened him yet. And she got the 30th anniversary bear but that was not as a math reward.

My other job is keeping me busy too. This month I worked three concerts (Spike and the Impalers, Jonny Lang, and Gary Allen). My favorite concert was Jonny Lang- he sounded great and was super humble and sweet even though he had a really bad case of the flu! This year is neat too because I a supervisor of the concert staff and have gotten to bring my own team to work- my little brother and two college friends. Definitely a nice perk! I also supervised my first tribute concert inside the casino, and then also worked a parade and my usual Harley Davidson and radio station events. A bunch of people have reported seeing me in my commercial too, but I still haven't seen it!

I did some great shopping lately too. Bought some beautiful lingerie off of Hautelook (big deal- I haven't bought lingerie in like four years or more!), got a t-shirt at the Jewel concert I just went to, bought a new P.J. Commerford jeweled shoe painting at a recent arts and crafts fair (along with a print of a kitty alphabet that is just hilarious..and I don't like kitties! and a Space Needle print and a oil painting that is hard to describe...hopefully I can post pictures here after I hang them in my newly painted room!

John, my boyfriend, has been in Malaysia for work since the 16th of July. His trip has been easier than I expected it to be- he bought a phone so we still talk everyday, he can get on facebook and we send each other messages, I lent him one of my old cameras and he's been posting photos that are kind of neat. While he's been gone I've been getting in plenty of quality time with the girls- Courtney and Kelly come over every Tuesday so we can scrapbook and do dinner, and Crystal and I have been walking around the lake every Wednesday. I also went to a concert lately with a group of friends and saw Ludacris, Akon, Flo rida, Kid Cudi, Asher Roth, Pitbull, Sean Paul, The Dream, and the Newboyz.

In between everything, it's been kind of busy. Which has lead to me neglecting my laundry. No joke I didn't do any laundry for a good solid two months (except I did a load of just underwear). Lucky me, I have enough clothes to where I didn't NEED to do laundry until now. Except that lead to a very unpleasant day in the laundry room today, doing load after load. The perk of that though, was I had pretty much every single clothing item I own (besides the formal dresses) all lined up in order- tank tops, plain short sleeved, patterned/funky cut short sleeves, 3/4 sleeves, plain long sleeved, pattern long sleeved, sweaters, jackets, and dresses- in the laundry room and could see everything all at once.

And it hit me. Pay close attention because I would like some of your opinions on this. A lot of my wardrobe is crappy stuff rather than classic/awesome pieces that I don't really see as a part of my best/adult self. Some of it, although not impressive, I need because they are basics (ie khaki shorts, navy blue long sleeved shirt, etc). But some of it is just crap (Victoria's secret P.I.N.K booty shorts, a kind of pilled top from Target, a pilled dress from Nordstrom I'm considering attempting to dye black because then the pills wouldn't show-anyone have experience with this?). I also have a bunch of "event t-shirts" (concert t-shirts, dance recital t-shirts, etc) and kind of old wife beaters. So I'm wondering, what do I do with this stuff? Should I throw it out? Keep it? What do you do with that kind of stuff? How much of it do you keep? When/Where do you wear it? I really need some advice here!

New Year's Resolutions Update
Since it's July 1st and the year is officially half over, I decided to check in with you all regarding how I'm progressing on my New Year's Resolutions! I haven't made as much progress as I'd hoped!

2009 RESOLUTIONS I've kept/achieved:

3. To choreograph for at least one show- I did my part by making up a routine and trying out- out of my control that the president of the group doesn't like me for some unknown reason.
9. Do something "really fun" every month.

January- Lil Wayne concert.
February- New Orleans for Mardi gras and Palm Springs for a Pacific Northwest ballet performance and event.
March- Lady Gaga concert and girls trip to Portland.
April- Britney Spears Concert, last Repertory Dance Group performance and two fun after parties that I put together (a dinner at a special gazebo table I've wanted to eat at for over 4 years and a bar crawl).
May- 25TH Birthday Party at Last Supper Club.
June-Giants game/trip to San Francisco for a friend's 21 Run
July-SUMMERJAM Concert- featuring Akon, Pitbul, Soulja Boy, Ludacris, The News Boyz, Sean Paul, and a few others.

12. Go to sports games in some new arenas for teams I haven't seen
A). Saw the New Orleans Hornets in their home stadium.
B). Went to AT&T Park and saw a Giants vs. A's game.
15. Take the LSAT in June.

In Progress:

1. To find a decent/good/great job in the legal field- I did my part by looking and applying (and have went to one interview)? Not my fault that the economy is in the toilet.
5. Go to dance class regularly
20. Paint my bedroom- bought the pant and got permission from the parents to paint 4th of July weekend, my boyfriend is supposed to help me.

No progress so far:

2. Get "bikini ready"
4. To take a class from the experimental college
6. Get a passport
7. Get a more ergonomic desk chair
8. See what a chiropractor can do for my back and neck.
10. Find a great internship
11. Have new bikini and head shots taken
13. Attend a party at the playboy mansion
14. Get a new computer (or fix mine)
16. Write something. and let people read it.
17. Revamp the website. FINALLY
18. Ring girl a live fight
19. Get a polaroid camera

and possibly:

22. Take Chloe to Disneyland...she's five now, and gets kind of intimidated by stuff like that, but really wants to go. So I'm waiting until I feel like it would be the most fun/magical experience for her, and until her parents feel comfortable letting her go. So that might be next year, the year after, or the year after that. We'll see. My mom and friend Courtney would probably also join us, I would really like to go for Mickey's Haunted Party in October or whatever it's called.

The LSAT is finally over, and so far I've taken my trip to San Francisco, went to a crafts fair with my mom, attended Chloe's dance recital and kindergarten "Movin' On" ceremony (the teacher was EMPHATIC about not calling it a graduation), and gotten a new boyfriend. So far, so good.

San Francisco's weather was not the best but we had a lot of fun. It bugs me everytime I visit the Bay Area how windy it is, and this trip did not disappoint in that regard. But we did a lot of fun stuff, regardless. The original purpose of the trip was going to celebrate my friend Bailey's 21st birthday (She's one of my great-grandlittles in my sorority) and we had a fun time doing that in North Beach- we went to The Steps of Rome, Vesuvio, The Bamboo Hut, and Dragon Bar. After this birthday I have only one more 21 run I'll probably attend, and then they'll be over for good. Probably a good thing because they wear me out now!

We also did a lot of sightseeing/shopping at Fisherman's Wharf/Pier 39 (I saw some really cute sea lions and got Chloe some sea lion souvenirs, as well as a few charms for my charm bracelets). The highlight of San Fran for me is always going to the charm store- they have one that has thousands of tiny awesome charms. I get a charm everytime I travel somewhere, but wasn't able to find any charms on my recent trips to Portland and Palm Springs. Ironically the San Fran charm store had a Palm Springs charm I was able to get, as well as a Hollywood charm I got because we went to Hollywood and LA while we were in California. Still no Portland charm though.

This is totally a sidenote, but while I was shopping for a birthday gift for my friend Erin I happened to discover that Brighton has a new line of charms and bracelets that are adorable- sterling silver and enamel. They kind of remind me of the charms that Tiffany has in that respect, but they are a lot more affordable ($12ish a piece) and they have a really cute set for all the states. I got Erin a kitty and an Oregon charm (because she went to Portland with me) and I got a Hawaii Charm for myself that you can see here. Super cute! They have ballerina and cheerleading charms I want to get, and I'd also like to get some state charms to represent the states I've visited so far- Alaska, Oregon, California, Montana, Nevada, Louisiana, Florida, Wyoming, and obviously Washington. I've also been to Idaho, Texas, Georgia and Tennessee, but only driving through or for layovers. Idaho has a charm I really want but I can't decide whether I can get it- usually for the purposes of charm collecting I only consider myself having "been to" a state if I've spent the night in it or done something notable there. Georgia's charm is a really cute too (its an enamel peach).

But back to San Francisco- we got to visit our friends Andrew and Lance from college, and we went to a Giants game (which was really fun and part of my new year's resolution), went to the beach, went and saw the bridge up close/drove over it/took pictures, went to a fun nightclub called Infusion Lounge, and saw the movie the Hangover, which was really, really, really funny especially if you're a Las Vegas affectionado like myself. The whole trip will be a lot of fun to scrapbook.

Since I've gotten home there have been nonstop events as well. John, the guy I've been dating for a couple months asked me to be his girlfriend and I accepted. I met him at a bar/club in Tacoma (a really skeezy one hahaha) trying to avoid his gross friend. Not the best introduction but he is a really nice guy and we've been having a lot of fun. He's very appreciative of me which is a nice change from both B and T.

At the craft fair I went to with my mom I picked up a feather fascinator that matches a dress I have (and that I can't wait to wear out), and some art from this guy- here. I got a trio of Halloween type guys that included a skeleton drinking a martini that I fell in love with. I can't link right to it unfortunately but if you scroll down this page here you can see it and the "after hours" print I'd like to order. Another guy in the trio I ordered is this cat/bat mix guy here. I also got a print of the "make over" piece here, the fall of H Dumpty here, Is that what I think it is here. Can't wait to frame them! There was also a guy selling exquisite pearl and diamond rings (which will be my next major spurge for myself), but the one I liked was way out of my price range at about 2k.

On tonight's agenda is working a parade for the casino (handing out promotional items) and then going to visit John. Happy (almost) Father's Day to all you dads!

Lightening the Load
I think this is probably the first and only time any of you will ever hear this but- I literally cannot wait to take the LSAT. My prep course ended tonight, after a frustrating 2 month span of weekly practice test scores that were usually somewhat disappointing, I scored my highest ever score on the practice test this Monday..I know what my plan is for taking the test, I'm sick of studying, I hope it will go well (and have reason to think it will, given my practice test score) and I just want to get it over with so I can get on with the rest of my life!

I do have a related question that I hope someone can answer for me. The following information was taken from the University of Washington Law School website:

Applicants: 2392
Admitted: 601
Enrolled: 187
Median GPA: 3.72, Range: 75/25%: 3.85/3.52
Median LSAT: 163 (91st percentile), Range: 75/25%: 166/159

----

My question is- does that mean 75% of applicants score a 166 (or better?) on the LSAT? and 25% score between a 166-159? I should understand percentiles from the statistics course I had to take last semester, but I've never been good at math (or stats...although I bagged an A- in the course) and my brain is FRIED from studying (so bad that I MISSED THE EXIT driving home tonight after class...). So if anyone could explain this to me I would be deeply grateful because it's been nagging at the back of my mind. And if you could make the explanation simple I would be even more grateful because otherwise I probably won't understand it. Thank goodness the LSAT does not test math abilities!

As far as everything else goes. I'm really sick of writing about him- probably almost as much as you are of hearing about it- but having told everyone the entire pathetic tale of woe as it dragged on for the last two and a half years, I'm not about to gyp my loyal readers' of its conclusion. I finally told T where he could go (not a nice place). I was on pins and needles all graduation weekend and...no call. I saw his family at the ceremony, who I'd never met before, but since he didn't call all weekend, and made no effort to arrange to introduce me, I did not go up to them and introduce myself or congratulate him after the ceremony. I totally wanted to though, and it made me feel like this pathetic hanger-on. So instead I busied myself with my graduated friends and went about my own business. I knew he had to be out of the fraternity house the next day and was depressed that he hadn't bothered to call or say goodbye before he left, or let me know what his plans were....and then lo and behold he and his brother showed up at my house at 2AM drunk. I was not pleased. But what happened next shocked me.

T acted like his usual self- not very interested, mildly insulting, made a few jokes about me/my appearance/my activities. His brother on the other hand could not have been MORE interested or pleased to meet me. He left to give T and I some private time but started texting T, and T showed me the following texts-

"Dude...don't be an asshole. That is the prettiest girl I have ever seen in my whole life."
"I would pay to hang out with her and you are going to mess it up. Don't be dumb. She seems like a nice girl too."

It is probably going to sound weird but I rarely if ever received compliments from T over the last 2 1/2 years, despite desperately trying and desperately wanting to. The compliments from his brother set me over the edge and I guess I finally got it. Not to toot my own horn but I am nice, pretty, funny, and accomplished- T could have done a lot worse. I let his comments and attitude dictate my opinion of myself- that I'm not anything special, not worth any effort, and have a lot of flaws. I never felt like I would ever gain his approval, or anyone in his family's approval, so to have his brother see me in a very flattering light was extremely nice and affirming, and allowed me to see myself that way too. So, I said what I have always wanted to say but never have because it made me feel pathetic. I told him the way he acts hurts my feelings a lot and that I have really tried hard to be a good girlfriend/friend, and he does not deserve it, and that he should just go home and not be in contact. And then I walked back into my house without a second glance, not feeling pathetic but more empowered like somebody who finally took a stand.

Then my doorbell rang (at 3am) and it was T's brother, who I sat and talked with for awhile. He told me a lot about T that I found very interesting- a lot of the stuff I've taken personally is just the way that he is. T describes his brother as his best friend and makes it sound like they're very close. His brother told me that T never calls him, never invites him to do anything, didn't want to walk in the graduation ceremony, has a terrible relationship with their dad (something T definitely never mentioned), and that when they do talk all T does is babble on about this certain brand of alcohol and make stupid jokes. AKA the same shit he does to me. So all this behavior that felt to me was an indication of my lack of worth is really just how he is with everybody, including the people he feels close to and matters to him.

The only reason I even write about it now is that realizing that it wasn't personal lifted a huge weight off my shoulders. I finally got it that there isn't anything wrong with me, or at least that nothing about me is the reason that things didn't work out. He just really isn't that nice of a person and we certainly are not compatible. And I haven't really thought about it since. And thankfully, having it off my mind and not feeling like I need to figure out what my problem is has allowed me to really ease up a little, enjoy my birthday and my time with others, and just overall be a happier person. I'm glad that it's over.

I don't want to make this into a huge marathon entry so I'll just say the following- I had a REALLY nice birthday party that I can't wait to post pictures of, really miss scrapbooking/watching TV/even exercising, and am all jazzed to be able to start up on my personal projects again after the big test (and the subsequent trip to San Francisco I'm taking the week after the test)- such as redecorating my room at my parents house and getting back to dance class, particularly ballet. 4 more days, I think I can make it!

The LSAT, the Doctor, and a load of chores.
Ahhh I have not been posting because I have pictures I wanted to post but haven't gotten them on the computer (nor have I gotten around to renewing my livejournal account, which I would also need to do). I did get a new camera- a Canon Powershot 890 IS, and I'm super excited to try it out.

My only "big news" is that I finally signed up for the LSAT! I'm all set to take it June 8th, which is a Monday. I feel both excited and nervous. Excited, because I need the results of this test to figure out if I am cut out to be a lawyer, and nervous because the results might indicate that I need to rethink my plans for my entire future. So, cross your fingers for me and let me know if you have any tips. I'm already signed up for an LSAT prep class, and my friend Kelly recommended the PowerScore Logic Games Bible and Logic Reasoning Bible, which raised her score ten points, so I will probably buy those and try them out.

Nothing too exciting to report, aside from the details of my trips, which I'll post when I post the pictures. I ended up getting really sick when I went to New Orleans so I went to the Doctor last week and she prescribed me some medications. When I was in Portland, the nurse called, and said the doctor thought about it some more and wanted me to do some tests. So today I went back in and gave a blood sample so they could test my liver and kidney functions and some other levels in the blood. I got the results back via email and from what I could tell they looked normal, so hopefully the medication she gave me will work out and that'll be that.

I also went and got a book I need for my relationships class, because I'm presenting on that book next week. It's a five step guide on how to improve your dealings with friends, family members, and spouses and looks like an easy read. Hopefully I learn some things I can use, lately some of my friends have either been super selfish or just in the midst of hard times (lay offs and break ups mostly) and not being the greatest friends. Oh well. I have been doing a good job not letting it get me down so I am pleased with that.

I also went to work, did two loads of laundry, and watched the end of Under the Tuscan Sun with my mom- such a good movie! I'm hoping tomorrow I will have the energy to do some scrapbooking before I go to a fundraising dinner with my best friend.

The interview continued
EDIT: I successfully ordered prints to be picked up at Bartell's later, and did some successful room renovation (moved my dresser, made my bed with my new sheets, set up my lamp and some photo frames, repositioned the settee). The rash, if possible, got even worse. My skin is red, bumpy, and shiny. And it itches like you would not believe (but hurts to scratch). My eyes were swollen too, when I woke up, but thanks to a freezing cold washcloth I can now pass for close to normal. Super frustrating, because I didn't use any of the aforementioned products and I definitely didn't eat any ice cream. So, no ideas on what could be causing this, but I think it's going to last for awhile =/

Tonight's post is going to be a random series of announcements.

Number One (and this may very well be TMI)- I have the worst rash I've ever had in my life. And there are a number of suspects that could be causing it. Yesterday my skin was really itchy and slightly pink- not scary because that happens occasionally due to my Retin-A. I probably should have listened to my skin- because it was really uncomfortable- and discontinued the use of the aforementioned Retin-A, not to mention the two other new skincare products I started using (a Clinique facewash (I've had similar rash problems from that one facial cleanser that comes in the green and white bottle and is super cheap...can't think of the name right now) and a Lancome gel-to-powder t-zone mattifier that has kind of been in my bathroom drawer for a long time- but I didn't. I continued to use the face wash and the Retin-A last night, and woke up with swollen eyes and red swollen skin. Hmph. Sucked for my interview, but I was able to minimize the monster appearance and since they don't know what I normally look like, I think I passed for normal (but more slanty-eyed than I usually appear). I also ate a generous helping of a new brand of soy ice cream that night too, which also could have caused it.

It's hard to figure out, because I have the rash on my ears, face (especially my forehead, which looks like a pizza), chest and jaw line. If it was the ice cream that caused it- why wouldn't I have the rash anywhere else on my body? I did put Retin-A on my back, face, and chest, but not on my ears. I used the face wash on my face and neck, but not my back or chest. And I only used the Lancome product on my forehead. So I am more than a little mystified. To solve the problem, I discontinued my use of all three products- Retin-A, Lancome, and face wash, went without any ice cream, and stuck to a mild soap, water, and Aloe vera gel. Unfortunately my skin is so itchy still that it stings, but hopefully it will be better tomorrow and look okay by Saturday, which is my next shift.

Aside from that, I had my interview, which went decently, except that I had no idea what to say when they asked for my salary requirements. Also- although both interviewers were extremely nice, I don't think the job is for me. They wanted me to send them some references but I'm planning to send an email tomorrow and let them know that after thinking about it, I don't think I could do the job and school and do a good job at either. I think they'll be understanding about that because the job was way more demanding than it sounded like in their posting, and they didn't post that it was slightly more than full-time hours. Overall it was a positive experience as it buoyed my confidence to hear back on one of my applications, and I think the interview was good practice for me.

I also had my first day of school, which I am now slightly embarrassed at whining about yesterday. I think I am going to enjoy the group leadership experience and textbooks more than I anticipated, and it was great to be reunited with my school friends. However, I'm still looking forward to going back to my parents' house tomorrow (I stopped by Target today and was able to get some scrapbooking stickers I needed, and checked out a desk I would like to buy if I had more money).

Tomorrow I have a pretty free day except for class, so I'm hoping I can get a few pictures printed and work a little more on setting up my bedroom here (I have four pictures I need to hang, a closet curtain to hem, and I'd like to decorate an empty bulletin board that I have here as well). I also need to measure my settee so I can go ahead and order a cushion from this fabulous seller that I found on ebay.

The first Interview
So after all my bitching yesterday about not hearing back on any of my applications, I finally received a request for an interview today. Unfortunately- it's a downtown firm and it would be a bitch to drive down there and back everyday, considering rush hour and the expensive parking. Equally unfortunate is the fact that I applied to about 16 jobs, and at least 4 were downtown paralegal positions...the guy didn't mention any job details in his request, and since Craigslist masks the advertiser's email (until they respond), I have no idea which job I'll be interviewing for. Either way it's not one I'm particularly qualified for (real estate law, tax law, or litigation- none of which are electives that I took) so I suppose it doesn't matter. Irreguardless, I'm a quick learner and maybe the firm and I will be a fit. If not, at least I'll get in some interview practice- keep your fingers crossed for me that I don't come across as a total asshat (thanks Mom and Dad, for getting me an interview outfit for Christmas!). I applied for one or two other jobs that I was really excited about, so hopefully I'll hear back on one of them too.

Before I quit my bitchin', I will note that classes start tomorrow, and as usual I am so not excited to go back. Even though it'll be great to see the girls' again, and I will probably like it once we get into the subject matter. Plus, this is basically my last semester of class-notwithstanding law school. I'm taking two classes- group therapy (which I've heard can be uncomfortable) and relationship therapy. I started reading the textbook for relationship and couples therapy and it is beyond boring- one of those authors that states' over and over and over what they're going to be telling you- it's like just tell me already! On the plus side, it's an easy book to highlight the important parts, because so much of it is just filler. I'm feeling a little done with school at this point- it makes it really hard for me to kind of get on with the rest of my life (really restricting the types of jobs I can apply for/get, which affects pretty much everything else because of finances). If I found a good job that paid decently, I might feel a little more forgiving towards school and allow myself to like it again.

If I did land one of the positions, I have quite a few luxury items on my list I'll like to buy- most notably a trip to Vegas for my 25th birthday in May (I want to stay in the Bellagio and see O, and do table service in a club for my birthday or birthday night), I need some new bras, and I'd also really like to buy a couple of (expensive- $20 each) Sex and the City posters for my bedroom at my school house to kind of top off the decorating there. I also saw a little desk and bookshelf at Target that would be nice to have down there, and I've needed paint and a new desk chair for my room at my parents' for ages. I also am going to need to replace my laptop sometime soon here- I've enjoyed having a Mac but have also seen some really tempting Sony and Dell laptops that come in PINK.

Some good things about today- I spent time with Chloe (who was student of the day today and very proud), got new scrapbooking things (finally doing some pages of my old dog Blondie, who some of you may remember, as well as my brother's 21st birthday, the Budweiser party cruise, Chloe's ferry trip, and my trip to the horse races last summer), and went to dance class with Courtney- we did a routine we first learned about a month ago that I really sucked at, and doing it again was nice because after letting it settle in my head I did a lot better today.

Girls girls girls
I'm continuing to send in my paralegal applications but so far haven't heard a darn thing back. Pretty frustrating considering I've applied to at least 30 jobs and not one person has contacted me to request references or schedule an interview. I would be wondering if maybe my applications were not going through [I HATE INTERNET APPLICATIONS] except I have received about three emails either thanking me for my submission or telling me the person that JUST posted the job is now out of the office for a month. Has anyone else had this experience on Craigslist? Is there anyplace else anyone would recommend looking at for job postings?

Aside from the job front I've been trying to use my time productively to either a). improve myself or b). enjoy myself. So far I've mad progress on both fronts. Each night I get a LOT of sleep, which is a very nice change from my college lifestyle where I got very little sleep. I also have "worked" towards my goal to do something REALLY fun to look forward to every month.

Here's the yearly breakdown so far:

1. January- Lil Wayne concert- tickets are purchased and concert is next week.
2. February- New Orleans for Mardi gras and Palm Springs for a Pacific Northwest performance and event- tickets and hotel arrangements have been finalized.
3. March- Just bought Lady Gaga tickets for Portland today, am using a coupon I got at the grocery store randomly to take the train [so fun!] to Portland with some girlfriends to enjoy the show and stay overnight.
4. April- Britney Spears Concert- tickets have been purchased, still working on putting together a little pre-party/dinner.

For May, we are working on putting together my twenty-fifth birthday party in VEGAS. Sooo excited! But will definitely have to put in some long hours at work before I book that one.

I also started putting together my bedroom in my other house. My mom came across a rug dealership that was going out of business and I scored a 5 x 8 gorgeous leopard print rug for only $70. It's a great deal because it's really difficult to find nice looking animal prints (if they're not exactly right they can look on the cheap side, but this one is gorgeous), most of the rugs I was looking at online I didn't like as much and were triple the price, and it unexpectedly looked great next to the bedspread I received for Christmas. So, I was thrilled. Then, this week I happened across a cute little settee at Pier One that was on clearance and snapped that up for only $99 (regularly $250). I can't wait to set everything up down there, and will definitely post pictures when I do.

In terms of improvement, I also worked very hard on my other bedroom at my parents' house. It was a huge mess so it took forever to clean but I've already made huge improvements. I threw out two bags full of trash, a big bag full of recycle, put away a laundry bin full of random items, cleaned out my bulletin board, and made some space in my closet. It looks very nice and it's more relaxing for me to be in a clean, uncluttered space. My mom was pleased with the progress also and I think will be more interested helping me shop for paint colors so I can finally move on the redecoration of this room as well.

Things on the work front are going well, I already received my check for my December work, and I got my work schedule for January and February. I got every shift I was available for, which was really nice. I feel bad for some of the other girls that didn't get as much work as they wanted, but truth be told they didn't work as hard as I did, and aren't as reliable. It's nice to be recognized for my hard work. I also spoke with a photographer that came in for tonight's event. My girlfriends' that model locally know his work and said he is very good, and we talked about doing a shoot, which would be great. It's been a full year since I've shot any print and it would be good to update since my hair looks very different now.

I also went and met with my old roommate and we talked about our big, year-long fight. Overall it was a positive experience. Obviously there are things we don't agree on and will probably never be as close as we were, but she was probably as nice to me as she's been in a year. It was the first time in probably the past two years of being friends that I felt that she actually listened to all of what I said and not just what she wanted to hear. I felt like I was able to stick up for myself in a polite and respectful way, which is very important to me. I also feel good about the fact that she seemed to feel better too. It's not been my objective to hurt anyone's feelings and I know hers were hurt, so it was nice to be able to repair some of that.

Pretty interesting though- she revealed that my friend W, who I posted about "losing touch with" a few entries ago, isn't talking to me anymore because she's angry that I'm friends with her exboyfriend. To make a long story short, W dated C for two or three years. They broke up (she may have cheated on him, he may have been an ass...depends on who you believe), I met C about eight months later, and we dated for a couple months. When I started dating C, W, who was in my sorority but who I didn't know (there were 80 girls and I was new...we go to a small school so that happens a lot) became VERY interested in getting to know me.

I've always been proud of me and W that, unlike most girls who've dated the same guy, we weren't catty and didn't take our frustrations on the guy out on each other. We made the best out of an awkward situation and each gained a good friend. A year or more later I heard that in the beginning, W said some mean things about me to the other girls in the sorority, but since she didn't know me yet and I was dating her ex that she was still into, I let it pass. Long story short, after W and I became friends, she and C became friends again, she started taking me over to C's apartment with her and C and I became friends again too. Things were kind of rough between us after we broke up, but I was impressed with the fact that he extended the invite to the gettogethers at his place to me, and how nice he was when I came. Occasionally he'd visit at school, and since he had nowhere to stay and my roommate and I had an extra bed, he'd ask to stay with us and I said sure- I figured I was repaying the courtesy of being so warmly received at his place. But apparently, my letting him stay in my empty guest bed on the other side of the house from my room is "really fucked up" and "broke the girl code," according to W.

At the time, I was dating another guy, B, who was in a class with W, and after I started dating him, B and W became BFF. I thought that was kind of improper, but considering they already knew each other, we come from a small school, I trusted them both, and wasn't that into B romantically I decided to let it go and never said anything.

I only mention it now just because it's kind of ironic that W is so mad at me for doing THE EXACT SAME THING she did to me. Except it's only "fucked up" when I do it because it's HER feelings that were hurt.

I have to say that I'm more annoyed than anything. I missed W as a friend and I did think of her as a real friend, but this is immature and she needs to get over it. I'm not going to be mean to her exboyfriend she broke up with like three years ago (especially when she isn't!)- I'm nice to everybody. Not everything is about her. Not to mention, although we were apparently close enough that it's "really fucked up" that I'm friends with her ex, we apparently weren't good friends enough for her to even MENTION to me that her feelings were hurt or that she was uncomfortable- she was a good friend of mine and that would have mattered to me. I would have done whatever short of being rude/mean to C to make sure that W's feelings were protected. Also- why on earth did she bring me over to his apartment in the first place if she didn't want us to be friendly?

But, I guess she is more of the typical negative girl stereotype than I thought she was. Totally willing to throw a true friend under the bus for a guy, which is a real shame because it's not like she got the guy back by doing it. He didn't notice, he and I are still friends, and she just lost two people who actually did care about her without gaining a damn thing.

Hopefully in the future I'll feel a little more forgiving and we'll be able to talk about it, but right now I just feel PISSED. My girlfriends are so important to me. But I cannot fucking stand it when they pass off their bad feelings, jealousy, or insecurities onto me. I have never done anything that would suggest to anybody that I would fuck over a friend for a dude, or that I only like people or who are like me/look like me, or that I've "broken the code" in anyway- I've been there for my girlfriends in every single one of their times of needs. A lot of times I've been one of FEW people who has been there to do whatever they can to help out- I don't deserve to be treated like some trick by the people who are supposed to know me well.

99 Problems
I think it's comes with being 24, but I really can't, for the life of me, figure out what I want to do with myself this year, let alone the rest of my life. I think my problem is that I'm one of those people who wants to do and try everything, and go everywhere. Sometimes all my competing interests makes it hard to focus and figure out what I really want.

For example, I've thought for a long time that I would like to be a lawyer/paralegal. I did well in my paralegal program (which I have finished) and the work was interesting. It pays well. It's a relatively stable industry. I would enjoy the prestige that comes alongside being a professional.

At the same time though, I'd like to be a make-up artist. I LOVE doing make-up for people. It would be so much fun to do make-up all day. And I think I have a talent for it and would love to learn more. Being a make-up artist would lend itself to so many interesting opportunities- possibly working on fashion shows, weddings, special event make-up, make-up for television, special effects make-up. I would love the exposure to all of that. Also, it would be pretty low stress for me.

I also love dance. I love to watch it and I love to do it. I can't watch without wanting to immediately be in a lesson. It's completely enthralling, and the exercise is good for me. At this point I'm a little old in the tooth to consider becoming a professional dancer, but it could be a pretty consuming hobby for me. I would also enjoy teaching classes to small children, as I think it would help me develop as a choreographer.

Another great love of mine is scrapbooking. I would definitely be interested in submitting some of my layouts to magazines for possible publication, teaching some classes, developing my own product line (I have an idea for what I'd like to make..just no idea how to actually make it!...although now that I'm thinking about it I could probably do it by hand...I might have an idea). But I am clueless as far as manufacturing on a wider scale, or how one goes about learning that information.

Yet another love of mine is writing. I don't think I'm particularly good or bad at it, it's just something I enjoy. I enjoy all types of writing- technical writing, fiction writing, comedic writing (like developing a stand-up comedy routine or writing jokes for a speech or production), song writing (which I really, really suck at), reporting. It's so interesting to choose to investigate something or develop an idea, and I love having a finished product/accomplishment at the end of the day.

Not to mention, as I'm working on my fifth degree/certification, I think I could be considered a professional student. I don't so much want to continue this, but I feel like I need the knowledge- earlier today I was looking at a professional make-up school, I would continue further pursuing my study of law and of psychology in the form of a Ph.D, and of course I'm interested in law school. Very interested in law school. The problem with all this schooling however, it that it's expensive and time-consuming and I forces me to go in half-directions: I need money to live on so I can never really pursue one thing full steam ahead, I have to be working in order to fund my lifestyle.

I would also really enjoy learning more about sewing. And making jewelry. And...8957657845 other things.

Rewind 2008
Rewind 2008
Because I did this in 2006 and 2005 (but apparently forgot 2007?), after I stole it from Kelly-

2008, a year in review.

1. What did you do in 2008 that you'd never done before? Went to New Orleans, volunteered on a semi-regular basis, dyed my hair jet black, chaperoned a kindergarten field trip, choreographed for the school dance show, rented a house independently from the school, received a lap dance, produced a concert series.

2. Did you keep your new year's resolutions, and will you make more for next year? I don't remember making any! My resolutions for this year will be listed at the end of the entry.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth? Actually no!

4. Did anyone close to you die? No

5. What countries did you visit? None, not even Canada. I still don't have a passport, so I guess we can make that another resolution.

6. What would you like to have in 2008 that you lacked in in previous years? Past items on my list included more hot dates, which are always welcome (but not necessarily a main priority for me right now), trips abroad (I'm still interested but am not planning on making this a top priority either)...so I guess I'd say finding a great internship (possibly paying?). Financial security would be great, considering the year I've had and the economy. I guess I would say finding financial security, finding a great job that makes sense for my future and that I enjoy, and getting closer to my friends are my top priority. Getting in great shape and doing more dance wise would be great too.

I didn't exactly lack a great group of girlfriends, but this year I'm hoping to become even closer, maybe get a place with my friends Channing, Courtney, and Charm.

7. What dates from 2005 will remain etched upon your memory, and why? There really aren't any besides the usual birthdays and Holidays- particularly MY birthday party and St. Patrick's Day in New Orleans.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year? GOT THE FUCK OVER IT ;) Those of you who are friendlisted probably know who I'm referring to, became a top girl in my industry without the usual trappings (moving to NYC/LA, getting implants, getting naked...nothing against that just not something I want to do at the moment).

9. What was your biggest failure? I wish I had been able to get over T faster, but I recognize that I did my best and really appreciate the people that helped get me through it. Plus, I gained a lot of empathy for people who are in pain.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury? As always. I lost my voice in August and it's still scratchy in the mornings, on and off cramps, a lot of back and neck soreness (at this point I've tried physical therapy, regular exercise, massage therapy, private pilates...my next attempts at getting a more ergonomic deskchair, and going to a chiropractor).

11. What was the best thing you got? My trip to New Orleans, scrapbooking stuff, and new clothes for Christmas that I desperately needed to look more like a grown-up.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration? C's [as always]. Aynsley, for having the nerve to smooth things over with me after a year and a half of silence, I certainly didn't. Charm and Courtney- always so much fun.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed? My exboyfriend T's. But NOT ANYMORE!!!! ;) And my former roommate's. But I am very hopeful that situation is going to get better in 2009. Not happy about falling out of touch with my friend W.

14. Where did most of your money go? I paid off my debt and paid my living/school expenses. My money spent on "fun" went mostly to scrapbooking and gas.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about? Going to New Orleans, going to Summer Jam, PNB Gala, my birthday party/Sex and the City movie, having Homecoming/Halloween/Christmas/New Years Eve parties and get-togethers, helping produce a summer concert series. Alumni sorority stuff.

16. What song will always remind you of 2008? Lollipop.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
a) happier or sadder? Happier. By far.
b) thinner or fatter? I'm not actually sure. My weight has been up and down all year =x
c) richer or poorer? Richer (but still pretty poor!), because I paid off my debt.

18. What do you wish you'd done more of? Relaxed. Saved more money. Worked more, sort of [I was really glad for the time off and NEEDED it but it'd be nice to have more money]. Stayed in better shape. DITTO 2008!!!

19. What do you wish you'd done less of? Mourning a dead relationship.

20. How will you be spending Christmas? With my family at my house. [again].

21. Did you fall in love in 2008? No, but I learned that I don't like being with jealous guys, and I'm not ready to make one person my everything...and I consider finding out what I like and don't progress.

22.How many one-night stands? Not in the traditional sense.

23.What was your favorite TV program? What Not to Wear!

24. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year? Nope. Which is incredibly refreshing.

25. What was the best book you read? I read a lot of good ones- mostly true crime, chick lit, and mystery.

26. What was your greatest musical discovery? LIL' WAYNE! And I kind of rediscovered Britney (although I never gave up hope!).

27. What did you want and get? Learned to deal with disappointment in a more constructive way, learned that I can forgive people and it feels good, really enjoyed my Masters' program, finally started scrapbooking with reckless abandon. Went to many great concerts and shows.

28. What did you want and not get? I'd like to be more into dance and fitness. I wish I was cleaner and more organized. Ditto again for 2008. I also really wanted to go to Yankee Stadium in NYC before they tore it down.

29. What was your favourite film of this year? Sex and the City Movie. I also recently saw two good "old" movies- Raggedy Man and The Goodbye Girl.

30. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? Went to dinner at the Cheesecake Factory and then to the opening gala of the Seattle Film Festival, where I was 3 feet from Charlize Theron and saw her (AND CHANNING TATUM'S!) new movie - Battle in Seattle, and went to the afterparty (and learned to bring a flask because I don't like beer or wine). Then a week later I had a birthday party at Mexican Cantina where we had dinner and drinks, went to the Sex and the City movie, and went out dancing afterwards. Turning 24 was great!

31. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? Financial security.

32. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2008? Wore a lot of old, ill-fitting clothes. =/

33. What kept you sane? I stopped harboring a lot of old disappointments. I learned how to enjoy spending time by myself. And getting rid of my debt really helped curb my anxiety.

34. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? Channing Tatum. AGAIN. Forever and always.

35. What political issue stirred you the most? PRESIDENT BARACK OBAMA! And secretary of state Hillary Clinton ;) Otherwise the economy/gas price crisis.

36. Who did you miss? Cee, when she's at school. M, in some contexts. I did miss what T and I had.

37. Who was the best new person you met? The friends I already had continued to impress me, I met some great girls at school that I'm already close to, and made deeper friendships with the girls at work and B, a friend of a friend.

38. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2008: Put down the weight.

39. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:

shawty said the nigga that she with ain't shit
shawty said the nigga that she with ain't this
shawty said nigga that she with can't hit
well shawty ima hit it like i can't miss

Lollipop by Lil Wayne

You’re gonna be a shining star, in fancy clothes, and fancy car-ars.
And then you’ll see, you’re gonna go far,
Cause everyone knows, just who you are-are.
So live your life, ay ay ay.
Your steady chasing that paper,
Just live your life (Oh!), ay ay ay.
You got no time for no hata’s
Just live your life (Oh!), ay ay ay.
No telling where it’ll take ya,
Just live your life (Oh!), ay ay ay.

-Live ya Life by T.I. feat. Rihanna

Questions I'm adding to the survey:

4b. Did anyone close to you get married? My friend Crystal got married in July, and my childhood friend Corrie got married in November, both weddings were lovely. My friend Katie canceled her wedding =( And my school friend AmyLynne got married in August [but that was before I knew her!]. My high school "love" got married over the summer as well.

4c. Did anyone close to you get engaged? Heck yes! My big sis Jess in my sorority got engaged last winter, my sorority sister/"twin" Dani got engaged on New Years Eve, my grad school classmate Cameron got engaged in May, my work friend Hollie got engaged in the fall. A few other girls from school got engaged as well- Ann, Blaze, Jessica, and Lindsey, but I don't know them as well/keep in touch.

40. Did you attend any concerts? YES. Over the summer I saw Lil' Wayne, The Game, T-Pain, and Bow Wow at a radio station concert, I helped produce a summer concert series and saw Amy Dalley, Trisha Yearwood, Huey Lewis, KC & the Sunshine Band, Buddy Guy, and George Thorogood (all in VIP- our Temptations and Four Tops concerts were rained out). At the Bumbershoot Music Festival that my good friend Lisa interned at I saw Keyshia Cole and T.I. in VIP. And then in the Fall I was given VIP tickets to see Alanis Morissette by my friend Chris.

2009 RESOLUTIONS:

1. To find a decent/good/great job in the legal field
2. Get "bikini ready"
3. To choreograph for at least one show
4. To take a class from the experimental college
5. Go to dance class regularly
6. Get a passport
7. Get a more ergonomic desk chair
8. See what a chiropractor can do for my back and neck.
9. Do something "really fun" every month.
10. Find a great internship
11. Have new bikini and head shots taken
12. Go to sports games in some new arenas for teams I haven't seen
13. Attend a party at the playboy mansion
14. Get a new computer (or fix mine)
15. Take the LSAT in June or October
16. Write something. and let people read it.
17. Revamp the website. FINALLY
18. Ring girl a live fight
19. Get a polaroid camera
20. Paint my bedroom

and possibly:

22. Take Chloe to Disneyland...she's five now, and gets kind of intimidated by stuff like that, but really wants to go. So I'm waiting until I feel like it would be the most fun/magical experience for her, and until her parents feel comfortable letting her go. So that might be next year, the year after, or the year after that. We'll see. My mom and friend Courtney would probably also join us, I would really like to go for Mickey's Haunted Party in October or whatever it's called.

Ho ho ho, 1 to go
3 finals down and one to go. I just want to freaking finish already so I can start celebrating Christmas! I really need to Christmas shop too, although I did help Chloe make and pay for ceramics for her parents (a mug and a n ornament) and took her to get her Christmas portraits taken (which came out adorable!), which I always give to her parents. So, at least the "work" on that gift has already been completed. I already ordered Arrested Development Seasons 1-3 for my brother and a skiing DVD for my friend Jay, but neither has been delivered yet. Other than that I just need to pick up gifts for Chloe (a puppy that grows that she and I found at Fred Meyer), my aunt and uncle, and my parents. My dad wants a Norelco electric shaver, and I have no idea what the other three would like, so hopefully I find something good.

I've never waited this long to do my Christmas shopping and don't feel great about it but due to multiple factors (having to wait a really long time for my paycheck, finals, crazy schedule, not having lists from anybody) it just couldn't have been avoided. Some other things I'm excited to do are put my Halloween-Christmas pictures online, going shopping with my mom (I saw this fake tree that was really neat at White's Nursery for $425. The "trunk" of the tree is glass and lights up, and bubbles go up itI can't afford that, but I liked it enough to go back and see if it might be on sale yet..although it would have to be REALLY discounted for me to be able to get it) and of course more scrapbooking!

Yesterday I had three finals in a row. I haven't gotten grades back yet for the last one, but I got an A on the first one and an A- on the second one, so so far I am thrilled. I anticipate doing pretty well on the last final too- it was a presentation about socioeconomic status and mental healthcare, an issue that's been close to my heart for quite awhile.

My Britney Spears tickets arrived in the mail- the insurance I bought for them came the next day and had more paperwork than my life insurance did, kind of funny. The Christmas cards are rolling in slowly this year. I wasn't planning on sending many, even though by now I'm an adult and shouldn't be piggy-backing on my parents' cards any longer. This point was made especially obvious when my cousin's wife sent two identical cards- one addressed to my parents and brother, and one addressed to me. I need to remember to get them a card even if I don't send any other ones, it was nice of her to do that.

My other cousin and his wife sent a card with the first photo that I've seen of their baby- I'm not just saying this because we're related but he is absolutely adorable. Kind of weird, but I always planned on naming my future son, if I have one, Madden, after John Madden. I just love the name, and I have never met any other little kid named Madden. Plus it's easy to spell and say (and it sounded good with my ex's weird last name, although I never planned on having kids with him). So guess what my cousin named his baby boy? Madden! It was weird to see my cousin, who I remember as a teenager/little kid, standing in front of a stocking that says "Dad" on it. At first I was like who the hell is Dad? My cousin's wife makes the cards she sends every year and appears to be into crafting, which I am too. I actually haven't met either of my cousin's wives or kids yet, because they live far away. I'm going to try to remember to make a card and send it to them, because I think she would appreciate that.

So, now apparently I have to be on the hunt for a new favorite baby name, just in case. What are your guys' favorites? My other cousin's kids are named Alex (boy) and Teagan (girl). My second cousin has three kids- twin girls named Emily and Nicole, and a new baby on the way that will be named Ashley. Not a fan of the name Teagan. Or Morgan or any of those soundalike names. The other names are okay but none are favorites of mine. My favorite baby names for boys are Madden and Gage, and my favorite names for girls are Chloe (but I already have a Chloe in my life so I can't use that one), Koi (like the pond), and Jayde. I like names that are a little bit unusual but don't sound stupid, and are easy to say and spell.

Tomorrow is the first annual holiday party that I planned for my sorority (Happy Hour at a local chocolate and martini bar). I invited the 600 members of the alumni chapter, and since it is dumping down snow I'll be pleased if 6 show up. Thrilled if I get 8-10. Not sure if the place can accommodate much more than that. I meant to take in the black dress with the sequin halter that I got in October to be dry-cleaned and totally forgot, pretty bummed about that. Now I am planning to wear a silky red and black top with black pants. I could also probably wear a gold and black halter dress I got in November, but I've been wearing that out a lot recently and I kind of want to mix it up a bit.

3 finals down and one to go. I just want to freaking finish already so I can start celebrating Christmas!