Go Go Go

Work is just crazy lately! Last Sunday they sent in a film crew to get some footage for an upcoming commercial. As soon as I got to work they had me sign a release. I had mixed feelings about signing the waiver- on the one hand, I am really excited about the possibility of being on TV! On the other, as a promo girl, I am my brand, and I don't think it's right that the venue should be able to use my image as a means to promote themselves without paying me for it. Don't get me wrong- I get paid for working, but my "duties" don't include being filmed. Also, I wonder what they would have done if I had refused to sign the waiver, and if it would have resulted in me being dismissed for the day and losing that day's pay, or losing shifts in the future on the basis of being difficult to work with? For those two reasons- I went ahead and signed the release and participated.

My usual coworker called in and canceled and so another girl came in and took her place. Almost as soon as we started she twisted her ankle and was out for the rest of the game. So, the film crew focused on me quite a bit, as they are not allowed to show the faces of the patrons. So, assuming that they use the footage they got, I may be featured quite a bit in a commercial! Or I might not be in it at all, but if you live in the Pacific Northwest be on the lookout!

Tonight I worked as a ring girl for the big De la Hoya fight for HBO Championship Boxing (the venue broadcasted it via Satellite, I was not at the live fight). We were packed to capacity (almost 400 people) and had a huge line stretching out the door. We even had a cute patron tonight, something that doesn't happen very often. We have really nice customers at work, and attractive ones, but almost never people I'm attracted TO. Unfortunately, he had a neck tattoo, so I doubt we would have been compatible, and was pretty focused on the fight (but I did notice him check me out a couple times!). I had a lot of fun running around and talking to people- especially the cute guy and his friends. Funny how that makes the time pass a lot faster and the work more enjoyable. I enjoyed talking to our other regulars too though- everyone was in a good mood. Sometimes the fights attract a rough crowd and the people give us shit, but tonight everyone was nice and talkative and fun and I really enjoyed myself. I was sorry, however, to watch De la Hoya get his ass beat- he threw in the towel somewhere around the eight or ninth round.

After the fight I was asked to MC the night's giveaway and spoke onstage on the mike for the huge crowd. I really enjoy doing it and it is a huge rush. I don't let myself be nervous beforehand, and I do pretty well at keeping my voice loud and steady and the shakes to a minimum while I'm onstage, but as soon as I got to the dressing room I started shaking like a leaf. Afterwards I spoke to a patron that manages a hip-hop artist and works quite a bit with a pretty well known venue here (Grammy winners have performed there, and recently Gavin Rossdale and the Wu Tang Clan had shows there, Katy Perry has one coming up) and he gave me his business card and told me to check him out and give him a call about MCing shows there, which would be huge! Who knows if it'll ever happen (in this industry there's a lot of talk and sometimes MONTHS in between events) but it certainly would be cool to get the hook up at that venue!

After the shift I got paid finally as well- $1600- I've never been so happy to have money coming in! I plan to use the money to pay some bills, do my Christmas shopping, and hopefully cover a vacation to Mardi Gras and to Palm Springs in February. Hopefully there's enough, otherwise I'll have to alter/cancel my vacation plans.

Socially things are popping as well. On Tuesday I went back to dance class finally (my first since mid November) and brought my friend Courtney with me. I felt really stiff- things with my back are getting worse and I'm going to have to have that checked out. I gave up on the massage therapy because it wasn't helping any more than physical therapy did. My mom thinks I need to see a specialist and get some x-rays done and I agree with her. Afterwards she took me to a local bar where we played in a beer pong championship. I played with her friend Nick and we actually ended up making it to semi-finals (one round short of the final game) despite my never having played before. In one game I actually made five shots! It was a lot of fun.

I also attended a friend's birthday party on Friday, a sort of social swan song until Tuesday or Thursday (depending on how much work I have left). The birthday party was for a friend I was really happy to have reconnected with this past year. I was really glad to support my friend and help her enjoy her birthday, and discovered a fun new place and neighborhood to party in, but didn't really enjoy myself overall. The reason I didn't is because I don't connect with the majority of her friends. They went to my college and a few of them are also in my sorority, but I just never felt a connection with them. We get along but I don't feel like there's a lot we can talk about, especially when they've been drinking, and most of them were shithoused by the time I got to the party. Kind of ironic but the one I disliked the most during college was the one whose company I enjoyed most at the party, although for most of the party I hung out with my friend's friends from home (a small town across the state). Kind of ironic I'd enjoy their company more than my college peers, but oh well.

After thinking about it, I realized that the reason we don't connect and why I don't like many of them is because most of them are self-centered and are not genuine. Even when they're saying nice things or asking questions it's apparent that it's just lip-service and they either don't mean it or are not interested. I'm not like that, at all. I'm genuinely curious about what other people are doing- whether it's a friend from childhood or a best friend or someone I just met or even people I haven't met but have heard lots about, like a friend's high school boyfriend. I'm not always nice, but in general I have a big heart. That realization that I don't like or particularly respect them made it easy for me not to care whether they liked me, and also proud of myself that I gave them another shot (although none of them merited it).

I also moved on when I made that realization and got to know some of my friend's friends from home, most of whom I thought were nice people, and knowing them helps me know my friend a little bit better because now I know more about where/who she comes from. She and I made plans to hang out at her apartment later and I'm looking both forward to seeing her place and spending time with her that I know I will enjoy.

Not to mention, it helped me see that out of control drunk is not a good look for people my age. I like to have a good time and drink and I usually don't judge people for what they do when they're out. Maybe I'm being mean because I didn't like these girls, or maybe I was just experiencing a rare moment of maturity and clarity (probably a mixture of both) but either way I saw a lot of shit that I didn't like and don't want to be. One of the girls made out with a guy she just met at the party in full view of everyone at the bar (dressed in a white almost see-through, too small tube top and too small denim skirt in Seattle in December)- how sloppy is that? She was so drunk she could barely speak- their friendships with each other must not be particularly genuine either because if any "best friend" of mine was in that state there is no way I would have stood by and criticized and laughed at her while it happened. The rest of them were operating under alcohol-influenced bravado and were walking around with the whole i-run-this-shit chip on their shoulders that was as unattractive as it was lame and untrue. Three others at the party got cut off at the bar (talk about not really being VIP despite the attitude). I felt sorry for the birthday girl- with "friends" like these, she has no room for enemies and is going to put up with a lot of crap for as long as the friendships last.

What a lesson about why it's important to be discerning regarding who you allow into your life, and especially your inner circle. I've gone through a lot of hard times in the past year struggling with what to do when friendships change/become unsalvageable, and when good friends disappoint you and break your heart, but if the work I'm doing now prevents me from ending up in a situation like this, then it will be worth it, as hard as it was. Strangely too, attending this party helped me see my friendship/struggle with my exroommate, M, in a different light. Despite the troubles we've had, she is genuine. Our friendship, although it seems long gone, was genuine for as long as it existed. She was not always there for me the way that I wanted her to be, but she was there for me the best way she knew how to be, even if she thought that was bossing me around like a child and and wanting and telling me to behave in such a way that I couldn't be true to myself. Although she can and often puts herself before others, she is not so self-centered that she can't even see past herself.

I don't really like admitting this, but I think she was the only person who saw a lot of my partying for what it is- a response to a really big hurt that I wish I could just fun away- and called me on it. She saw what I wouldn't- all the fun in the world won't heal your heart when it's shattered into pieces, there is other work you have to do to get it to mend right. Work I still haven't done. She wasn't in the right to try and push me into doing that work before I was ready to do it, and the methods she used to try to force me were awful and a horrible experience for me, but her motives weren't so awful- mostly wanting her helpful friend back, and genuine concern for my pain. And I am not as blameless as I'd like to be.

This week my friends are having our annual Holiday party on Thursday, and a friend/co-worker invited me to the club she go-go dances at for a party. I've been wanting to go-go dance for a long time and this would be a good opportunity to meet the club owner and her boss and see the girls in action so I can hopefully practice what they do at home before I have to try out. On Friday, one of my best friends and another friend from college are coming for a weekend visit. Not great timing for me but I haven't seen him since early summer and the other friend since May, I can't wait to see them and want to spend as much time with them as I can.

Otherwise I have been working on my final papers and projects in between work shifts to hopefully avoid any last-minute cramming or all nights. I have a take-home final due on Wednesday that I started working on tonite (a treatment plan with an emphasis on transactional analysis and narrative therapy). After that I have a ten minute presentation on the resources available in my community for low-income patients to give on the 17th, as well as an oral exam where I'll be using a patient's Strong Interest Inventory results to answer a mystery question they have regarding their work/educational path and a written take-home exam for tests and measurements that I did about 1/10th the work on already (give me a break, it's not due for almost two weeks!). I'm ready for the oral exam but I haven't done anything for the presentation except schedule an interview with a former professor of mine that volunteers in a neighborhood clinic that provides free and lost cost mental health services. Additionally, I have a second oral exam treating a patient from a humanistic therapies perspective that I have yet to schedule (this is the part I'm most nervous about- there are a lot of concepts and techniques to remember!).

It's been harder than I expected to make progress on everything because there is so much to do, so many social engagements, and because I got so many shifts at work. I really want to get everything done as soon as possible though because after they're all completed, I'm on break for an entire month!